CIPPTV Channel 116

Will Arnett Gets Lost Driving “150 Clicks” From Winnipeg To Portage la Prairie – Located 3 Days Later In Carberry

July 27, 2018 // 0 Comments

Will Arnett gets lost trying to get from Winnipeg to Portage driving 150kms

PORTAGE la PRAIRIE, MB – Just days after releasing a video on Vanity Fair on Canadian slang, Will Arnett attempted to drive the “150 clicks” from Winnipeg to Portage la Prairie he mentioned in the video to visit relatives. Family reported the Toronto born star missing the following day when he failed to show up [...]

Manitoba City Makes It Illegal To Kill Mosquitoes & Puts Them On Threatened Species List

July 27, 2018 // 0 Comments

Portage la Prairie, MB – It will soon be illegal to kill mosquitoes in Portage la Prairie after researchers discovered Portagers’ blood is causing record low numbers of he insect. Concerned locals created their own theories over why Portage’s favorite songbird has virtually disappeared but the real reason [...]

Portage Bank First In Canada To Pay Those In Debt & Charge People For Saving

July 25, 2018 // 1 Comment

First Canadian bank to pay those in debt and punish savers by charging them.

Portage la Prairie, MB – A new financial institution is setting up shop promising to reward people who owe money and charge those with money in the bank. The newly formed, Financial Union of Portage will launch later this month with plans to be a market leader in Canada by brining consumers negative interest [...]

Digital Trauma Leading Cause Of Nose Bleeds In Teens and Millennials Says Health Study

July 24, 2018 // 0 Comments

Digital trauma while using cell phones and electronic devices can cause sever nosebleeds

PORTAGE la PRAIRIE, MB – Emergency rooms and doctors are experiencing a spike in the number of nosebleed cases caused by cell phone use combined with digital trauma. A recent health study found that excessive scrolling on social media causes teens and millennials to probe orifices mindlessly, primarily the nose, [...]

Man Decides To Run For Mayor Based On Number Of Facebook Friends & Marginal Ideas

July 23, 2018 // 0 Comments

Ryan Coke wants to be the next Mayor of Portage la Prairie by ending homeliness

PORTAGE la PRAIRIE, MB – The only thing that can help Portage look better is Ryan Coke. Media Mogul, trust fund kid and now political juggernaut, Ryan Coke has announced he is entering the race to become Portage la Prairie’s next top mayor. “I’m running on a platform that “Portage Needs Coke” because I [...]

Pastor Fired for Being Too Much Like Jesus

July 22, 2018 // 1 Comment

Portage la Prairie church fires pastor for being too much like Jesus

Portage la Prairie, MB – After attending an all-night wedding party then preaching a sermon on the beach, a local pastor has been fired and his church closed for good. “This wasn’t the first incident. He had been warned many times, “ Barry Dumas, Regional Director of The Domination, said. “We’ve been [...]

Mayoral Candidate Billy Neepawa Says “The Time Is Meow” For Off-Leash Cat Park

July 20, 2018 // 1 Comment

Billy Neepawa advocates for an off leash cat park for Portage la Prairie

PORTAGE la PRAIRIE, MB – Portagers could soon be singing, “who let the cats out?” if mayoral candidate Billy Neepawa is elected. Neepawa made another major announcement to add to his already substantial platform, with a plan for an off-leash park for cats. “It is time for cats and their human friends to gain [...]

Mayoral Candidate Proposes Tunnel Under Crescent Lake To Replace Planned Causeway

July 19, 2018 // 2 Comments

Billy Neepawa wants to be mayor and dig a tunnel under Crescent Lake

PORTAGE la PRAIRIE, MB – A long-suffering Portager is throwing his hat in the ring to become Portage la Prairie’s next mayor and tossing out some great new ideas. “After consulting with my mom and my cats, I have decided to become a candidate for mayor in the next municipal election,” Billy Neepawa announced [...]

Homeliness In Portage la Prairie To Be Eliminated By Local TV Station Initiative

July 18, 2018 // 0 Comments

Homely people are excited about new program to end homeliness in Portage la Prairie

PORTAGE la PRAIRIE, MB – CIPP – TV is looking to change the face of Portage la Prairie for the better. The local TV station announced the launch of a new initiative to end homeliness once and for all in the Manitoba city. “The message we’re sending out is we want to make Portage la Prairie beautiful [...]

New Soup Factory Being Built In Portage la Prairie

July 17, 2018 // 0 Comments

PORTAGE la PRAIRIE, MB Unconfirmed sources have provided unsubstantiated reports that a new food processor has set up shop in Portage la Prairie. Fictional figures, with close ties to the imaginary project, claim a new soup factory is being built and tested on the south edge of the city. “When driving by Portage on [...]