Producers of TV hit series Suits create spinoff series based on construction workers called Safety Vests starring Meghan Markle

Producers of Suits Announce Spinoff Called “Safety Vests” Starring Meghan Markle

HOLLYWOOD, CA & PORTAGE la PRAIRIE, MB –

Producers of the hit TV drama suits announced they are collaborating with C.I.P.P. –TV to create a new drama series based on the people who wear orange, high-visibility safety clothing

Meghan Markle will headline Suits spinoff, Safety Vests.
Meghan Markle will star in Suits spinoff “Safety Vests” based on the high drama lives of construction workers

“Safety Vests” will tell the stories of intrigue and excitement from the construction world the same way “Suits” portrayed New York City lawyers.

Billed as a high-level drama, “Safety Vests” promises to bring sizzling sex appeal to the safety industry and combine compelling characters with breathtaking life and death situations with each episode having twists and worker compensation claims.

“The first episode will kick-off with a work site safety meeting,” producer Brian Berenstein said.  “We won’t waste any time until our cast of characters are subjected to a work place inspection by a health and safety officer.”

“I don’t want to give away too much about the pilot but let’s just say at least one of our main characters is faced with a significant crisis when they are found not wearing their personal protective equipment, including a safety vest.”

The only cast member from Suits to make the jump to the spinoff is Meghan Markle, who plays the love interest of head safety officer Kenny Brookside who is exposed in episode three as an imposter with no official safety training.

When Brookside is exposed an imposter, it sets off a chain of attempts by the construction company to hide this fact while they try to maintain numerous construction contracts.

“Despite not having any formal health and safety training, Brookside is potentially the best health and safety officer there is,” Berenstein offered.  “In the show he is simply too good to let go.”

Season one includes 13 episodes and a season ending cliffhanger that exposes Brookside’s secret while he investigates a critical workplace injury.

“Suits had some great appeal among urban professionals so we are hoping Safety Vests does the same thing with the much larger blue-collar audience,” Berenstein said.  “Even people who don’t have to wear safety vests have seen or know people who do.  If a show about lawyers was big, a show about construction workers will be huge.”

C.I.P.P. TV Channel 116 will air the show starting in May on Sunday nights at 9pm temporarily displacing Beverly Hills 90210.

Station owner Ryan Coke is thrilled about the new co-production.

“This show is important to us and vital to telling the stories of the amazing men and woman who have to wear those obnoxiously ugly orange vests.  Until I read the pitch for this show, I thought they were nothing more than low-skilled trolls, but I’ve had my eyes opened.  They seem to have real lives and real problems; at least on the show they’ll be interesting.  Plus, Meghan Markle rocks her safety vest and steel-toed heels, so I’ll be watching.”

Notice to readers/disclaimer – click here to read the full disclosure and to find the link to the full legal information.  If you do not want to do that please know that this story and website are fictional and that means they are not real.  TV is real, Suits is a real show and Meghan Markle is so real she is marrying a prince but this story is just made up nonsense.  Do not be a dope and think it is real.  Orange safety vests are real too but the story and website are still not real.

Photo Credit guy in safety vest – Elvert Barnes

Photo Credit Meghan Markle – Genevieve

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CIPP -TV Channel 116 plans International Skeptics Day marathon of programs

Local Fictional TV Station C.I.P.P. Celebrates International Skeptics Day With Doubtful Promotion & Programming Lineup

PORTAGE LA PRAIRIE, MB – 

Hit local imaginary TV station C.I.P.P. is celebrating a dubious holiday with a special programming schedule in honour of International Skeptics Day Saturday January 13.

“Based on the fact we are a fictional and questionable television station that exists only on the internet we felt this was an important holiday to celebrate,” station founder, owner and general manager Ryan Coke said in an email he sent to the promotions department.

“We are naturally quite skeptical of our own existence as a media outlet so we will be airing an imaginary marathon of shows that cater to the skeptic in all of us,” Coke said.

Saturday’s schedule will include a marathon of Unsolved Mysteries, The Lowe Files with Rob Lowe, Penn & Teller: Fool Us ending with a local show on the conspiracy to dominate the world from Portage la Prairie called, The Republic(click here for trailer) if you can believe any of it.

The day will kick off at 6am local standard time on Channel 116 on your UHF/internet dial.  If you don’t currently subscribe to C.I.P.P. TV, contact your local cable provider and ask for it.  If you actually do this, please record the conversation and share it with us, we’d love to hear what they tell you.

“C.I.P.P. TV Channel 116 is all about skepticism and questioning everything,” Coke shared.  “We feel it is part of our brand, although we are quite trivial at the same time.  Skepticism is essentially the opposite of trivialism, the notion that everything is true and possible so I’m starting to doubt this station’s philosophy and guiding principles along with my own relevance.”

Despite the discovery of a confused company mandate, C.I.P.P. TV Channel 116 will celebrate International Skeptics Day with special promotion and programming including fun video interviews where C.I.P.P. TV staff share their biggest doubts and questions.

In between programs you’ll hear News@6 Anchors Iona Stonehouse and Jack Hoffman doubt their show will ever have improved ratings, PP After School Host Chuckles Plenty shares how he questions the validity of child labour laws, Traffic Manager, Tara Cherry wonders aloud about the merits of pet marriage, Chief Engineer, Pierce Cox questions whether or not his skills as a broadcast engineer are being wasted getting porn-related viruses off station computers, Promotions Manager, Tess Teckle questions why the station would want to promote such a potentially negative holiday and Saturday Night Videos Host, Rhianna Meeches voices her fear that the age of the music video might be over and how her show may ultimately be cancelled.

“The critics and skeptics out there have been quite uncomplimentary of the TV station so far,” Coke said.  “We hope to get them on side by pandering to them by really playing up International Skeptics Day.  It just might become an annual thing.”

Notice to readers/disclaimer – if you are doubting the authenticity of International Skeptics Day, this story and website then you should click here to read the full disclaimer and accompanying links to the full legal explanation.  We doubt many of you will actually do that but that is what makes us skeptical.  This story, website and entire endeavour is quite skeptical but that is about all that is actually true.  The remainder is purely fictional, made up and not real.  This story and website are intended for the amusement of its creators and a few loyal readers or those who stumbled on this via some kind of social media link from someone who thought it was true because they could only read the headline and didn’t have the attention span to read the whole article or even the first couple of paragraphs.  This is obviously not the case with you.  You likely read most of the story and this whole nonsensical, lengthy notice of disclosure and admission of stupidity.  Good on you for sticking with it.  Either you are entirely bored or we are remarkable creators.  CIPP-TV is sorry for your boredom.

Photo Credit – eye dropper

Forrest Gump 2 - Run Forrest Run starring Dallas Smith

Forrest Gump II “Run Forrest Run” Starring Canadian Country Superstar Dallas Smith Starts Production

Hollywood, CA & Portage la Prairie, MB –

His friends and family said “Run Forrest Run” so he did, but this time he’s running for President of the U.S.A.

It has been 23 years since we first heard “stupid is as stupid does” but CIPP-TV has collaborated with a major Hollywood studio to bring back our all-time favorite simpleton.

“Run Forrest Run” Forrest Gump II – Gump For President will start production next month and will star Canadian country music superstar, Dallas Smith as the timeless Forrest Gump.

Dallas Smith to star as Forrest Gump in sequel
Dallas Smith to star in Forrest Gump II Run Forrest Run

In the sequel, Gump gets political after friends and family convince him to run for president to save America from the deplorable Republican and Democratic nominees.  And, just like in the first movie when someone tells Forrest to run, he runs so hard no one can catch him.

“The timing seems right to have a hero like Forrest again,” CIPP-TV and Executive Producer Ryan Coke, offered.  “The political climate is perfect for us to introduce Forrest Gump as a modern-day, common sense, altruistic political hero.”

Set up as a “what if” scenario that parallels the last Presidential Election, Forrest Gump becomes the first independent candidate to become president.

“Gump trumps his rivals with a simple moral compass of ‘what momma would do’ and ‘stupid is as stupid does’.  This time Forrest doesn’t just visit the White House, he moves in,” Coke explained.

President Elect Gump puts his business interests in a blind trust, parks his lawnmower and moves to Washington to become the most powerful man in the free world.

Having no affiliation to existing parties President Gump navigates his way around Washington and solves the world’s problems with his trademark approach.

“He offers a blend of bluntness, commons sense and kindness that the political power brokers can’t navigate,” Coke said.  “The movie sees him handle big issues like health care, education, crime and terrorism only like Forrest can.”

Gump makes America better and everyone laugh along the way by giving Americans health care a living minimum wage and teaches everyone the American Dream isn’t about getting more things but being happier and having joy.

“It’s not hard to picture an idiot in the Oval Office,” Coke explained.  “President Gump is at least a loveable idiot whose bravery and strength are exactly what America needs.”

Tom Hanks declined the role, stating the role needed a younger Gump to pick the story up where it left off two decade ago.  His son, Colin Hanks auditioned for the job but the producers opted for relative newcomer Dallas Smith.  Smith is a Canadian music superstar performing country music as himself and touring with rock icons Default.

Production will wrap up early next year with a Christmas release.  Forrest Gump II is a co-production of CIPP-TV Portage la Prairie with part of the filming and editing done in Canada so the movie can be classified as Canadian Content when it makes its way to television.

Notice to readers/disclaimer – click here to read about the satirical and fictional reality of this story and website.  That means this story is not real.  It is imaginary, like CIPP-TV and most of my friends and some of yours.  Please read and share and participate in the joke by playing along but do not try to fool people into thinking this is real.  That is not nice and people will grow to resent you if you do that very often.

Photo Credit: Forrest license plate – Prayitno

Photo Credit of Dallas Smith – Christopher Brown

MBN News reporter fired for too many questions

Local News Reporter Gets Fired For Asking Too Many Questions

Portage la Prairie, MB –

CIPP-TV reporter Kendra Pashe is getting the boot for running her mouth and asking too many questions.

Portage’s local imaginary television station is going through another shakeup over editorial direction.  After the sudden severance of News Director Pat Hiscock for her left-leaning perspective, station owner Ryan Coke has attempted to take control of the newsroom and give it a more right-wing slant.  It’s a view he sees more in line with the town’s prevailing political point of view.

It would appear Pashe did not fit Coke’s new editorial direction and attempts to be more accommodating to business and political leaders.

“Kendra was a nice girl, real pretty and a bit flirty but she just doesn’t fit CIPP-TV or Portage,” Ryan Coke said.  “We hire a lot of journalists out of school or with little experience because they are cheap and they will do what we want.”

“This isn’t 60 Minutes.  We just want our reporters to ask the basic three questions,” Coke explained.

Pashe developed a reputation for asking thoughtful, probing questions when talking to local leaders.  She had a knack for understanding the issues and digging deeper than the press release she was handed.

“We intentionally assign reporters a minimum of three stories a day so they are too busy to do research or put much thought into what they are doing,” Coke shared.  “If they are a bit beat down and tired they won’t cause problems in town by asking pesky questions and trying to hold anyone accountable.”

Coke points out the mandate is to be a positive voice for Portage and to cover local events and stories from an angle that promotes the town.

“We’re not here to tear things apart and ask hard questions,” Coke said.  “We can’t afford to upset the establishment and our advertisers.  We share a positive, conservative perspective with the rest of Portage la Prairie and the Central Plains.  We don’t want our journalists reflecting values and ideas that aren’t shared by the majority.”

Pashe has already found work with a regional government sponsored media outlet and is grateful for her time in Portage.

“I learned a lot by working at CIPP-TV,” Pashe said.  “I was here for a good time, not a long time, I guess.  It was a lot of fun to make some locals feel uncomfortable by asking them some hard questions.  I guess they can relax now that I’m gone.”

CIPP-TV is still searching for a News Director and Owner, Ryan Coke hopes to have someone in place soon.

“We have a lot of good applications,” Coke said.  “We sort through them based on last name and we have a lot of applicants with surnames that will easily fit in to our community.”

Ratings for MBN News have been terrible with virtually no one watching.  Local officials are comforted by this fact and look forward to continued poor ratings.

Notice to readers/disclaimer – click here to read about this story and website being satire and purely fictional.  It is sad we have to point this out but please read and share responsibly.

Photo: Ewa Kern – https://www.flickr.com/photos/kimba2/2611898783/in/photolist-23PX9f-4YNEvD-f5HzdA-4YSSnd-fj7RX4-fjn56A-fjmGj9-fjn3zU-U1KkB-fj7vH4-f5tjmt-fjn4Xo-fj7tEr-f5tjBz-3qjyGN-jGtJPV-4xVw4h-QprLLM-s2T93f-8cP1vw-8nnv7V-4zfFV9-Sz4b8f-99Ra4S-fjn3Z3-fj7uPz-fj7u9T-fjn4Qj-8mL5gj-fjmGAd-fjmFFf-fj7SkH-fjn4cA-fj7ujP-fj7SV8-4YSTsw-fjn4EY-4YSRUQ-fj7RVk-fj7v9e-fjmGFw-au23Cs-55oGvm-fj7vhZ-f5HzbY-fjmEAs-fjmFrm-fjmFB3-4YNA7r-fj7SjK/

Office Spinoff Series – “Schrute Farms” To Star Austin Area Mennonites & Locales

Hollywood, CA –

The love of beets and bears is coming north thanks to a new spinoff from The Office being produced in the Austin, MB area by Hollywood and CIPP-TV.

“Shrute Farms” stars local Mennonites Josh, Christian and Benjamin Wiebe and is scheduled to begin shooting next month on a farm near MacGregor, Manitoba.

The new series will follow the adventures of Dwight Schrute as he heads north after being deported from the United States for his political views. In Canada, he is reunited with his extended Mennonite family, and brings his plans for a beet farm bed and breakfast called Shrute Farms & Beds.

The Wiebe brothers play a wild and wacky trio of cousins who go on crazy adventures with their long-lost American relative.

The Canadian Shrute Farms starts off producing hemp and table beets, but in the series opener attempt to get into growing marijuana ahead of legalization.

Josh Wiebe says the new show is an opportunity of a lifetime. “I’ve done some Prairie Players before but this is a whole new level,” Wiebe said. “The producers told us to just be our wacky Mennonite selves.”

Wiebes Josh, Christian and Benjamin will be renamed Abe, Jake and Ben Shrute for the show and star with Rainn Wilson.

Most of the story lines will revolve around beets, bears, self-defence, justice, the pursuit of self-advancement and the Mennonite world-view.

The Austin Mennonite brothers, and MacGregor farm, were exactly the type of conservative, back woods atmosphere the writers were looking for.

“These people and this place really capture the soul of the original Schrute family,” Executive Producer Ryan Coke said. “Mennonites are hilarious, and if we can let the rest of the world know this via the Schrute family we’ll have done our jobs.”

Since setting up CIPP-TV this summer, Coke has come to appreciate the quirky, stilted humour of Mennonites. “They’re great. Often they seem uncomfortable in their own skin but the next thing you know they are cracking a joke that will make you pee.”

Local Mennonite officials would not offer comment on the new show as they wish to appear opposed to such worldly attention. The same officials did indicate they would PVR each episode but deny ever seeing them.

Schrute Farms will air Sunday nights this fall on a major American network and CIPP-TV.

Notice to readers: Click here to read about the fictional reality of this story and website. Neither are real and if you thought they were you need more help than we can offer.

Photo: Michael Doss – https://www.flickr.com/photos/mikebdoss/

City Hall Bell Used In Hunger Games Inspired Game Show Shot At Island Park

Portage la Prairie, MB

Contestants are hoping the odds will ever be in their favour as they battle to the death to see who will win new kitchen appliances, luggage, airfare for two to Vancouver and $10,000 in cash.

The groundbreaking concept will not only be the first Canadian game show to involve participants putting their lives on the line to win fabulous prizes but it will the first in the world.

Inspired by the best-selling science fiction books and movies, The Hunger Games, Ultimate Eliminations brings the future to the present.

A local highlight will be the setting of Island Park acting as the stadium for the game and the use of the newly renovated City Hall bell as the signal when a contestant is eliminated.

The bell will replace the cannon from the novel and movies and add a Portage flair local officials are excited about.

“With the death element in this reality game show, Ultimate Elimination will put Portage on the map,” city spokesperson Kenny Books said.  “The City Hall bell has always reminded me of AC/DC’s Hell’s Bells so the tie-in to the game show should work great.”

The production is not without controversy with critics suggesting reality TV may have gone to far with the killing of contestants.  Fans of reality shows like Big Brother, The Apprentice and The Voice see the inclusion of death as an element of the show as something fresh, and are looking forward to it.

“This is the next step in the evolution of reality based game shows,” producer Ryan Coke said.  “Viewers are getting bored with the traditional contests and elimination of contestants.  Having people’s lives on the line should drive ratings back to levels we saw when the reality genre first launched.”

CIPP-TV and American networks are banking on the show being a ratings bonanza but giving it a prime time Sunday night slot.

“We’re hoping families will come together and watch,” Coke said.  “Most kills will happen off-screen but we won’t shy away from showing the bodies after, followed by a 45 second memorial tribute at the end of each show.”

Island Park will be shut down to the public for a one-month period starting next week and the City Hall bell will be ringing randomly as game show participants are killed off.

The winning player will be named an honorary citizen of Portage and be given a canoe and the key to the city.

Notice to readers/disclaimer about the story not being real.  Its fiction, who would believe a game show, would be shot in Portage, c’mon.  The story and site are satire, fictional and complete nonsense created for the enjoyment of folks with a good sense of humour.  Chill fam.

Photo: Lucy Maude Ellis – https://www.flickr.com/photos/lucymaude/

Shart Week On CIPP-TV Portage la Prairie

Portage la Prairie, MB – 

Too afraid of sharts to go into the water?

The City of Portage la Prairie and local, hit TV station CIPP-TV are teaming up to present a week-long marathon of programming documenting a frightening phenomenon, the shart.

2873215984_c1de83b174_bPrevalent in the region, sharts are a terrifying and all too common problem for Portagers.  Media juggernaut, CIPP-TV and the City of Portage are hoping to exploit this regional problem for ratings and tourism gains.

Production crews have been working for months to create a week’s worth of programming dedicated to telling the story of the shart.

Often misunderstood and feared, the shart first appeared thousands of years ago and has evolved and thrived in the Central Plains area.  Although they should be respected the reality is you are more likely to be seriously harmed by a mosquito than a shart.

520604226_9308d37efe_bHere is a list of these can’t miss episodes airing this week.

  • “Shart Lair” – see where sharts live.
  • “Sharts of Darkness” – some say they are a mere myth while others believe the largest and most impressive sharts live hidden in the dark and only come out at night while we sleep.
  • “Don’t go into the water” – a Portage man tells of his ill-timed shart incident and fouling of local pool.
  • “Shart Attack” – a collection of Portage’s most alarming shart encounters resulting in injury.
  • “Deuces are Wild” – sharts in the wild are caught in their natural habitat.
  • “Shart Body Language” – what does the physical makeup of a shart tell us.
  • “Sharts – Predators or Prey?” – while some sharts hunt others are eaten.
  • “Sharts of Different Colours” – sharts come in a rainbow of colours that can tell us a lot about the shart and the sharter.
  • “Sharts – Maneater of Myth” – what is real and what is legend in the world of sharts.
  • “Sharts of Crescent Lake” – sharts that lurk in and around Portage’s lake.
  • “Great Shart Hunt” – go along with some of the best shart collectors.
  • “Great White Sharts” – albino sharts are the most dangerous but thankfully the most rare.  Discover what you have to eat to get white sharts and what underlying health problems are at work.
  • “Shart Cage” – camer crews get up close and personal with a variety of sharts.
  • “Sharts of the Red Triangle” – where is the Red Triangle and how does it make sharts more aggressive.
  • “Blood in the Water” – when the shart hits the fan and messes with hemorrhoids.

Tune in 7pm-10pm all week-long on CIPP-TV Channel 116.

Notice to reader/disclaimer – this site and story are fictional – that means it’s not real.  You are real, well at least we think you are real but what you are reading is not.  Wait a minute, does that mean because you just read this you are fictional as well?  Hold on, I’m confused.

Headline Photo: Gui Siez – https://www.flickr.com/photos/guiseiz/

Body Photo: Kingdom For A Donkey – https://www.flickr.com/photos/akingdomforadonkey/

Body Photo 2: Brendan Gray – https://www.flickr.com/photos/grayskull/