CIPPTV Channel 116

Mayoral Candidate Billy Neepawa Says “The Time Is Meow” For Off-Leash Cat Park

July 20, 2018 // 0 Comments

Billy Neepawa advocates for an off leash cat park for Portage la Prairie

PORTAGE la PRAIRIE, MB – Portagers could soon be singing, “who let the cats out?” if mayoral candidate Billy Neepawa is elected. Neepawa made another major announcement to add to his already substantial platform, with a plan for an off-leash park for cats. “It is time for cats and their human friends to gain [...]

Mayoral Candidate Proposes Tunnel Under Crescent Lake To Replace Planned Causeway

July 19, 2018 // 1 Comment

Billy Neepawa wants to be mayor and dig a tunnel under Crescent Lake

PORTAGE la PRAIRIE, MB – A long-suffering Portager is throwing his hat in the ring to become Portage la Prairie’s next mayor and tossing out some great new ideas. “After consulting with my mom and my cats, I have decided to become a candidate for mayor in the next municipal election,” Billy Neepawa announced [...]

Homeliness In Portage la Prairie To Be Eliminated By Local TV Station Initiative

July 18, 2018 // 0 Comments

Homely people are excited about new program to end homeliness in Portage la Prairie

PORTAGE la PRAIRIE, MB – CIPP – TV is looking to change the face of Portage la Prairie for the better. The local TV station announced the launch of a new initiative to end homeliness once and for all in the Manitoba city. “The message we’re sending out is we want to make Portage la Prairie beautiful [...]

New Soup Factory Being Built In Portage la Prairie

July 17, 2018 // 0 Comments

PORTAGE la PRAIRIE, MB Unconfirmed sources have provided unsubstantiated reports that a new food processor has set up shop in Portage la Prairie. Fictional figures, with close ties to the imaginary project, claim a new soup factory is being built and tested on the south edge of the city. “When driving by Portage on [...]

Local Violent Crime Wave Part Of Zombie Apocalypse – Nothing To Worry About

July 17, 2018 // 0 Comments

Portage la Prairie crime wave part of local zombie apocalypse

PORTAGE la PRAIRIE, MB – Many Portagers are breathing a sigh of relief after civic authorities and officials calmed resident’s nerves by explaining the recent wave of violent crime away as the beginning of a zombie apocalypse. “Our (living) citizens have nothing to be concerned about when it comes to the latest [...]

Portage la Prairie Retroactively Bans Mullets

March 14, 2018 // 0 Comments

Portage la Prairie, MB – To improve the moral fibre of its citizens, Portage la Prairie is retroactively banning the hairstyle commonly referred to as the mullet. “We conducted a study and hired an overpriced consultant to tell us what we already suspected. Those who wore mullets in the 80’s and early 90’s [...]

Woman Horrified After Boss Finishes Her Half-Eaten Bagel During Meeting

March 13, 2018 // 0 Comments

Boss eats employees half finished bagel during meeting

PORTAGE la PRAIRIE, MB- Tamara Wright thought she had seen pretty much every thing from her boss, but when she witnessed him grab her partially eaten bagel and stuff it in his mouth, she was dumfounded. “I’ve seen him do a lot of strange things over the years but this move was off the charts,” Wright said. [...]

Poll Reveals Most Millennials Oblivious Of Time Change Due To Reliance On Smart Phones

March 12, 2018 // 0 Comments

Millennials unaware of time change due to dependence on smart phones

PORTAGE la PRAIRIE, MB – A recent C.I.P.P. – TV poll indicates most people under 35 were not aware a change to Daylight Saving Time occurred this weekend. “The poll we conducted shows 85% of millennials did not realize a change in time happened this weekend,” C.I.P.P.-TV head researcher Robin Harrisburg [...]

Patrik Laine Visits With Amish Fans Of Lancaster Pennsylvania But Won’t Join Due To Lack Of Wi-Fi

March 10, 2018 // 1 Comment

Patrik Laine rollerblades in Amish country

PHILADELPHIA, PA – The beard is weird, but it has gained notoriety and popularity as the Finnisher, Patrik Laine piles up the goals this NHL season. During the current Winnipeg Jets road trip, Laine decided to strap on some rollerblades and visit the Amish farms around Lancaster Pennsylvania after being invited [...]

Amish & Mennonite Fans Clog Highways Travelling To Philadelphia To See Patrik Laine

March 9, 2018 // 1 Comment

Amish and Mennonite fans go to see Patrik Laine play with the Jets in Philadelphia against the Flyers

LANCASTER, PA – The most popular hockey player among Pennsylvania Dutch, Amish and Mennonite fans from the Lancaster area is playing in Philadelphia and highways are clogged with horse and buggies full of fans slowly making their way to the game. Pennsylvania Highway 30 will be most affected by the increased [...]