PORTAGE la PRAIRIE, MB – With so many Portage la Prairians isolated at home the City of Portage is taking this opportunity to change the batteries in all its pigeons.

City spokesperson Anita Roswell explains why.  “We had a lot of our pigeons based on the old Island Park bridge and when it was removed they had to fly around a lot more and the batteries are pretty much shot.”

An important part of the city’s surveillance and security program, “the birds” will have new lithium batteries installed over the next 48 to 72 hours.

“The old batteries are about 10 years old and while the birds were able to re-charge themselves on the power lines, they simply didn’t have enough flying time,” Roswell explained.  “We lost a few in the lake and a couple were run over.”

The City hopes to add a new baby model to the flock to fix a glaring problem most municipalities have with optics.

“Yes, we know people are on to the fact there are never any baby pigeons but there is a new model out so we’ll add some.  We’ll be the first in Canada to have baby pigeons.  It’s very exciting.”

New “baby pigeons” will have the same monitoring capacity as their adult cousins and download the information every night through blue tooth connections in and around City Hall.

“Once the batteries are swapped people will notice a lot more pigeon action downtown and around City Hall as they get caught up on their assignments,” Roswell shared.

Cost of the pigeon battery replacement program will come from a special security levy and it is hoped it will continue to lower the overall cost of policing in the City of Portage la Prairie.

Photo Credit – Frederic Bisson

Click here to read the full disclaimer and other legal information and documents.  The electric pigeon program is top secret and fictional so please don’t share with those you cannot trust.  You can continue to feed the pigeons and they will continue to shit all over everything.  Don’t be alarmed if they capture video, audio and naked images of you and your family.  We need this type of thing to remain safe.  Gotta go.  Bye.