Portage la Prairie, MB –

Billy Neepawa came home from his first day at his new job to find everything in his home had been taken, including his cats, and replaced with an exact replica. 

“It was like walking into a nightmare.  It was sketchy man. Not cool at all. Who does this kind of thing.”

Arriving around 5:15pm after finishing his first shift at CIPP TV Neepawa was riding an emotional high and not in the right mental state for what he discovered in his downtown Portage la Prairie home.

“Dodgy.  I walked in the door, and I noticed something was off right away.  Everything in my living room had been stolen and replaced with an exact replica.  It was so weird.  And creepy.  My sense of security has been violated.”

He dialed 911 and reported the crime to police immediately and after making a sweep of the house and his pets he confirmed not one item had been left untouched.  Even his cats had been taken and replaced with identical replacements.

“I have a system for all my things.  I can tell when someone moves them.  That’s how I could tell my stuff was gone.  The replicas just don’t have the same energy they weren’t placed right.  And the new ones were a bit lighter and less faded.”

Neepawa informed police he suspected his neighbour Randall Percy and his new employer CIPP TV.

Constipated Cat Almost Kills Owner, Billy Neepawa

“It’s part of a bigger plot, actually.  The people running the system think they can pass these replicas off without anyone noticing but they can’t fool me.  It’s just real sketchy, man.”

His theory implicates his neighbour Percy with executives of CIPP TV (this television station) as the ones with motive and opportunity to terrorize him psychologically.

“Mr. Percy there has been in my place a lot and has a photographic mind.  He told my new bosses, and they got the replicas done up after my interview.  It was my first day.  They knew where I was going to be.  I’ve been profiled for this kind of thing before.”

Social worker Mr. Percy and CIPP TV owner, Ryan Coke both deny involvement but declined repeated request for an interview.

Police claim the fact all the possessions were all replaced with exact replicas make it more challenging to press charges.

“Although Mr. Neepawa is deeply disturbed by these events, he has not suffered any financial loss.  The psychological terror he is under is notable so we will continue to look for his original property,’ said police spokesperson Pete Froman.

“They do stuff like this to throw you off.  Set you up for their bigger plans.  I have to be careful you know.”

Neepawa plans to continue his new job at CIPP TV although no one could provide a specific job description of list of duties for his position.  Prior to coming to CIPP TV Neepawa worked as a terror analysist for the City of Portage la Prairie.

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“I know how these powers of darkness work.  The watcher is now being watched.  But just remember I’ll be watching the watcher whose watching.”

Police are asking if you have any information regarding this crime or have seen any of Neepawa’s stuff to call them or Crime Stoppers immediately.

Photo Credit – Dan Nevill via Flickr

Notice to Reader – This story is a work of fiction.  Click here to read full disclaimer/disclosure/legal information and the like.  Billy Neepawa is a fictional character but a character, nonetheless.  The notion of having your possessions stolen and replaced by complete replica is somewhat interesting and comical but also disturbing on some level.  No explanation was offered to how his cats were replaced, perhaps it was a cloning technology.  As the writer of this article, I would have like to have come up with some sort of explanation, but I have nothing.  That kind of leaves the impression Neepawa made up the story.  He does lack some credibility but is not known to be a deceiver.  We all lie sometimes so maybe this is his time.  It could also that he is enjoying some kind of drug related paranoia.  The police found his claims plausible so I’m no longer sure.  At any rate please don’t share this with friends, enemies, associates, or relatives as if it were a “true story”.  It’s fiction.  Don’t be part of the misinformation pandemic taking the internet like a plague.  Be kind – rewind.  Many thanks.