Portage la Prairie, MB –
Current Imaginary Mayor of Portage la Prairie, Ryan Coke, is seeking to stimulate tourism in Portage by establishing the Strawberry Sex Fest.
“We must get rid of branding Portage with potatoes, “Coke said at a news conference yesterday. “Potatoes are one of the least sexy vegetables on the planet. I want to get rid of the Potato Festival immediately and go back to a re-branded Strawberry Festival.”
Coke’s new festival would have a more adult theme and add some sizzle and spark back into the Portage la Prairie brand.
“I’m calling it the Strawberry Sex Fest! A celebration of sex and love. It’ll be a first in Manitoba. We’ll be targeting couples who want to get away for a romantic weekend. Hotels and restaurants will be packed.”
The Strawberry Sex Fest plans to go beyond chocolate and strawberries and include a trade show of merchandise and services, evening jazz concerts Friday and Saturday along with a parade.
“We are going to barricade off special ‘make-out’ zones around Portage for people to enjoy. The dump hill, Island Park, under the Skyline Bridge, spots along the tracks, the graveyard and other places will be designated as official romantic rendezvous destinations for the weekend.”
Coke hopes to create a series of festivals for Portage la Prairie including the Asparagus Attack, a Broccoli Bash, Cauliflower Carnival and a Celery Celebration.
“We grow a lot of cool vegetables so why not move on from the potato in a new and exciting way.”
Food related tourism seems to be top of mind for the imaginary leader of Portage la Prairie and hopefully visitors develop an appetite quickly for a plethora of food themed events.
Notice to readers – if you didn’t get the joke of this story and website please click here to read more about the fictional and satirical nature of this. Feel free to comment on the story and have some fun with us. If you are offended by what we do – please choose not to consume it. You shouldn’t consume things that make you sick. Even too many sexy strawberries could give you the poops and make your tummy grumbly.
Photo: Niki Sublime – flickr