Study Finds Men With Large Trucks Have Smaller Penises & Are Less Desirable

Portage la Prairie, MB – 

A recent study conducted in the Central Plains Region indicates a direct connection between male organ size and the type of vehicle they drive.

Researchers surveyed 1,000 men ages 18-64 and compared the size of truck, including the amount of customization and features to the size of their sexual organ.

In 80% of participants, they found an inverse connection between the size of the truck and amount spent of features like lift-kits, oversized rims, modified exhaust and other options and the overall size of their penis.

“For years, psychologists have told us men will often buy expensive and powerful vehicles to compensate for feelings of inadequacy,” head researcher Herman Rarebell said.  “We weren’t surprised when the study proved the larger the truck the smaller the penis, in general terms.”

The study tracked the make, model and features of the vehicles along with measurements of each owner’s penis.  At the same time, they surveyed the men’s current or latest sexual partner on the impact the size of the vehicle had on levels of attractiveness.

“We found that only 15% of the men’s partners felt more attracted to them because of their truck,” Rarebell explained.  “70% of women were either turned off or indifferent by the larger vehicle.”

Many men’s attempt to appear more virile and attractive by owning a large, fancy truck is having the reverse effect.

“When it comes to vehicles and the impact on attractiveness to women, size certainly does matter,” Rarebell said.  “Not only size, but how the vehicle is driven affects the levels of appeal.  Our study showed that only 16% of partners found males more desirable when they drove fast or aggressively.  60% of women indicated their desire levels dropped to almost nothing when they were with a male driving aggressively.”

Toyota Camrys and Volkswagen Jettas provided the biggest boost in sex appeal with 85% of women surveyed indicating higher levels of desire for male drivers of those vehicles.  “The practical and dependable aspects of these cars seem to appeal to women,” Rarebell explained.

The research team also discovered and inverse relationship between age and vehicle size.  1,000 drivers over the age of 65 were surveyed and 78% said they are driving larger vehicles now than they did prior to retirement.  Most graduated from compact or mid-size cars and crossovers to mini-vans, large SUV’s and full-sized sedans.

“Our research shows the vast majority of seniors prefer to drive vehicles that are larger and more impractical than what they actually need,” Rarebell said.  “It’s common to see gramma and grandpa driving 7 passenger vans and SUV’s when they’d have an easier time driving and parking a smaller vehicle.  They are no doubt drawn to the prestige and additional safety.”

The May 2017 survey is accurate 19 times out of 20 with 4 out of 5 dentist recommending the responsible driving of reasonable vehicles.

Notice to readers – this is satire.  Click here to read full disclaimer if you do not grasp the fictional nature of this story and website.

Photo: Eric Mueller –