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Portage Church To Hire Chad Kroeger as Worship Pastor To Help Resurrect His Career

Nickelback's Chad Kroeger becomes worship pastor Portage church hires Chad Kroeger of Nickelback as new worship pastor

Portage la Prairie, MB – 

For years, closet Nickelback fan and Pastor, Kevin Bunski, drew inspiration from the music of Canada’s most iconic rock band so when he had the chance to hire front man Chad Kroeger as the Worship Pastor for the Portage Assembly of Christians Church he went for it.  Click here to read about Bunski using Nickelback songs for sermons.

“We had posted for the vacant position when our last worship leader had to leave for reasons we won’t speak about,” Bunski explained.  “When I saw Chad’s application I squealed a ‘Praise Jesus’ and made the call right away.

To outsiders it might seem odd that a rock and roll superstar would be a good fit for a music pastors but Bunski makes some compelling arguments for the move.

“As I’ve said before, Christians love Nickelback,” Bunski explained.  “Most Christians keep this a secret but at P.A.C. we have come out publicly on this issue. “

“Chad has long identified with his mother’s Mennonite heritage, opting to use her maiden name for his stage handle,” Bunski said.  “We have questioned Chad extensively and are convinced he is a Mennonite at heart and therefore automatically qualified for Christian service.”

Kroeger is scheduled to start next month and is promising to add a lot of energy and edge to the traditional praise and worship choruses offered up at the Portage Assembly of Christians.

“He will be great for evangelism and attracting young Christians under 55 from other area churches who are looking for a more modern expression of their faith,” Bunski said.  “We had to pay a lot to get him to come here but we should be able to generate a lot more income with more people attending.”

Bunski also notes that older adherents will find Kroeger more acceptable since he opted for a shorter hair-style and has sacrificed his goatee.

“While a more full beard is preferable and more Mennonite, I wouldn’t be upset if he went back to the goatee.  Christians would see that as being a little more hipster and that is all the rage in church circles.

Nickelback will be on hiatus while Kroeger takes on his new role but Bunski is willing to offer flexibility to his superstar pastor to tour in the future.

“In the church we have this thing called sabbatical,” Bunski said.  “Sometimes we like to spiritualize it but it’s usually just an extended paid vacation.  If Chad needs to tour for a while I’m sure we can get a sabbatical approved for him.”

The Portage Assembly of Christians Church is planning a special fund-raising supper to raise money for a new and more robust sound system.

Notice to readers/disclaimer – click here to read the full schpeel on this story and website being fictional, satirical and funny.  Don’t try and trick people into thinking it’s real by posting this on social media, claiming to be outraged at the state of the world and the stupidity of the story.  CIPPTV is not a real TV station.  It’s not even a station it is a website that has ridiculous stories and tales of satire and stupidity.  We are trying to use the word stupidity a lot so it  shows up in search engine results.  Why?  We don’t know why, perhaps we are just board.

Photo Credit:  Focka

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