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Portage Women Abandon All Sense Of Style & Fashion In Face Of Cold Weather

Portage Women Abandon fashion and style to battle cold weather Winter comes to Portage la Prairie and forces women to abandon all sense of style and fashion in an attempt to stay warm

Portage la Prairie, MB –

With sub-zero temperatures and a generous dusting of snow winter has taken hold of this picturesque prairie city and its citizens are doing whatever it takes to beat the cold.

Usually sometime between Halloween and Remembrance Day, the typically fashion savvy Portage dwellers give up on trying to look good and throw on whatever will keep them warm.

“Once it gets minus 15 or colder I give up entirely,” Kristen Kerr said.  “I don’t a crap about wearing nice shoes because they are all too cold anyway.  I leave a few pairs of shoes at work and wear my boots most of the time.”

Most women in Portage shed the current styles and trendy fashions that normally parade the fine streets of this modern and adequate city for bulky and awkward looking attire.

“I’ll put on at least three layers just to go shopping,” Brenda Smallwood said.  “I don’t care if anything matches.  If I go to the rink I’ll add another layer and bring a blanket.”  Smallwood’s ensemble is sadly uncoordinated and includes many colours and patterns that clash.

Multiple coats, insulated pants, clunky unflattering boots, non-matching gloves and scarfs and ratty mitts are seen on Portage’s finest ladies all winter long.

The harshness of winter even forces many of them to adopt attitudes that alter their hygiene.  “Once I hand out the last of the Halloween candy I stop waxing and shaving until spring,” Kerr shared.  “These legs won’t see daylight for months and I need all the insulation I can get.”

Plumbers in Portage note an increase in clogged drain calls each spring and confirm the problem is wide-spread.

“To be honest it is nice to have almost six months where I don’t have to give one crap about my wardrobe,” Smallwood offered.  “Winter is like a vacation from the high fashion and haute couture you see all summer around here.”

Kerr says it is nice to get a break from trying to compete with her fellow Portagers when it comes to fashion.

“Portage is known for its great fashion.  Winter is like a cease-fire on the battle field.  We get six months to save some money and make plans for the new spring lines,” Kerr said.

 

Notice to readers/disclaimer – click here to read more about the satirical and fictional state of this story and website.  Most people would realize this isn’t real but we have to put these kind of things here for the really dim people and those who can’t grasp humour, sarcasm, wit and the fact most things on the internet aren’t real.  Give your head a shake and read and share responsibly.

Photo credit: Jeremy Bronson

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