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Poll Identifies Top 7 Smells Of Portage

Top 7 Portage Smells Top Portage Smells Indentified

Portage la Prairie, MB –

CIPP-TV conducted a poll last week to find out what local smells Portagers identified as being the most Portage.  The results, although shocking and disturbing, will help with developing a long-term strategy on attracting new residents and business.  Five thousand people from all demographics were surveyed and a total of 30 odours were identified.  From this list, 8 smells were noted most frequently.

Here are the top smells in the nose of Portagers.

7.  Crescent Lake Algae Blooms – The picturesque, stagnant oxbow that is the pearl of Portage heats up with the summer temperatures and produces an incredible volume of algae and related sulphuric odour that greets path users for a good two months.

6.  Canola – While not completely unique to Portage the smell of canola in bloom from surrounding fields is a summer favourite.  So much so, an entrepreneur developed a scent to capture it that local women find irresistible (click here to read about canola perfume).

5.  Stubble Smoke – A fall odour that reminds Portagers of their rural roots, every fall harvest kicks in and farmers become overwhelmed with the need to burn excess straw.  This produces an aroma that is a favourite of locals, especially those suffering from asthma and COPD.

4.  Human Waste – While they wait for needed upgrades the sewage treatment plant floods the southern part of the city when the wind shifts from the south.  That means on warm nights the smell of effluent reminds Portage’s most prestigious neighbourhoods of grandma’s homemade soup.  There is a reason why soup rhymes with poop.  Visitors trying to avoid Portage by using the by-pass are bombed with the scent which might prove successful in having more travellers come through Portage rather than scooting around it.

3.  Linden Blossoms – Portage has a large urban forest and a good number of Linden trees that bloom each year.  The blossoms carry a citrus smell that reminds locals of laundry detergent and household cleaners.  This spring smell motivates many to do spring cleaning and wash their clothes.

2.  Downtown Garbage Bins – A night on the town going to dinner and a show isn’t complete without the need to stroll by a collection of garbage bins lining urban parking lots.  After enjoying tonight’s special, Portagers can waltz by the odour of yesterday’s dinner rotting in bins as they make their way to the theatre district for a show.

1. French Fries – Who doesn’t like fries?  Portagers know that if the wind turns to the west or northeast they are in for a treat as the odour of potatoes being deep-fried in canola oil wafts through town like a handsome stranger.  It’s amazing that a local poutine shop hasn’t set up shop and made millions with all the free marketing available.  If Portagers prefer, they can close their eyes and imagine the oil is frying mini-donuts or other deep fried treats.  Let’s not underestimate the draw this smell has on travellers as they go by.

Notice to readers/disclaimer – click here to read about the true nature of this story and website.  Spoiler Alert – it is satire and fictional.  What does that mean?  It is not real.  It is not news.  Please read, comment and share responsibly.

Photo:  bradleypjohnson – https://www.flickr.com/photos/bradleypjohnson/

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