Vacationing Portagers Caught Saying They Are From Winnipeg

Orlando, FL –

A Portage family learned it’s a small world after all, after an embarrassing moment is witnessed by Portage child at Disney World.

The Martens’ family didn’t think anyone was watching, and they certainly weren’t expecting to be recognized while in Florida during their vacation.

While waiting in line for Big Thunder Mountain Railroad, Crystal Martens struck up a conversation with a family in front of her from Indiana.

“We were just chit-chatting about the kids,” Crystal Martens said.  “The lady commented on my accent and then asked me where we were from.”

Martens had encountered this question before and felt the awkwardness of trying to explain she was from Portage la Prairie, Manitoba, Canada.

“I’ve told other people where we were from but it really throws them for a loop,” Martens explained.  “By the time you get Portage la Prairie out you might as well tell them you’re from Saskatchewan.  Americans don’t have a clue what you said.”

The not-so-proud Portager claims she wasn’t try to hide the fact she was from Central Manitoba’s finest city.

“It just seemed easier.  I looked at my son Daylon and he was wearing his Jets hat, so I just told the woman we were from Winnipeg.”

The white lie worked.  The family in front of them knew the Winnipeg Jets and that they were from Canada.

Mrs. Martens and her family did not realize the Roulette family, also from Portage, were just two groups behind them.  Seven-year-old Randy Travis-Roulette recognized the Martens and blurted out an innocent response.

“Little Randy heard me and wanted to correct me,” Martens said.

“You’re not from Winnipeg,” Randy Travis-Roulette screamed.  “You’re from Portage.”

The scene turned from friendly to uncomfortable as the family from Indiana questioned Martens on if she was telling the truth.

Martens’ new friends quickly distanced themselves once Mrs. Martens was unable to explain to her what a Portage la Prairie, Manitoba is and where it is situated in relation to Winnipeg.  The family from Indiana dismissed the Martens as frauds and went about their day doubting the integrity of all the other Canadians they met.

“It’s still way easier telling people you’re from Winnipeg,” Martens maintained.  “Next time I’ll look around to make sure there aren’t any other Portagers around.”


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Photo: Julie, Dave & Family –

Mom Who Suffers From Holiday Family Photo Anxiety Is Abandoned By Family

Portage la Prairie, MB – 

Doris Langenbruener is frustrated because other family’s vacations look better than hers do on Facebook and Instagram.

On the Langenbruener’s last family getaway, Doris spent more time on her iPad looking at Facebook and Instagram than she did with her family.  What she saw everyday in her news feed upset her.

“I just want the kids and my husband to pretend they are having the best time ever for ten seconds at a time three times a day,” Langenbruener said.  “I just need half-dozen pics for my Insta-feed and Facebook page.”

After being out done for years by relatives and co-workers, the mother of three is suffering from holiday family photo anxiety.  “I had to unfriend my sister-in-law after she insisted on rubbing her perfect family vacation in my face,” Langenbruener confessed.  “And that bitch Kristen from work got blocked after she kept posting her perfect family pics every weekend.”

The Langenbruener children and father Ricky dislike the forced family fun shots imposed by Doris and protest by looking off camera and not smiling for any of the photos she takes.

“I want people to look at our photos and be just a fraction of how jealous I am of their pics,” Mrs. Langenbruener said.  “I plan, budget and schedule every last-minute of these holidays.  All I ask in return is a steady stream of photos to share with my Facebook friends.  I’m just looking for some likes, validation and to seem better than other people.”

The Langenbruener family are planning a secret Christmas holiday without Doris to avoid her photo anxiety and so they can finally go somewhere they want to.

“Screw all those trendy vacation destinations,” Ricky Langenbruener shared.  “Me and the kids are going to Tampa Bay and Disney.  We’ll see the Jets play and then hit the theme parks and no one will bring a camera or take a selfie.”

Doris Langenbruener is busy planning an eco-tourism adventure to the rain forest of Belize and looking to buy a new camera.

Notice to readers/disclaimer about this being satire.

Photo: m0ntrealist –