Trudeau To Celebrate Marijuana Legalization By Taking A Rip From St. Claude’s Giant Pipe Oct. 17

St. Claude, MB –

Prime Minister Justin Trudeau is kicking off the legalization of marijuana in a big way.

Trudeau is opting to celebrate in St. Claude Manitoba rather than Ottawa with a special afternoon ceremony at 4:20pm local time.

“There is no more fitting place to mark this historic moment,” Prime Minister Trudeau said,  “We have a bi-lingual town in the middle of Canada that has honoured its ties with France by creating the world’s largest smokable pipe.  This will be the most Canadian way to kick off the legalization of marijuana.”

Local planners buoyed by the influx of funding are planning a day long festival featuring fireworks and concerts.  A diverse line-up of artist will include Bob Dylan, Snoop Dog, Eric Church, Lady Gaga, Lil Wayne, Willie Nelson, Drake and many more.  Special M.C.’s will be Cheech and Chong and a full roster of comedian is coming soon.

“We are thrilled to be the location for this event,” organizer Serge Demers said.  “We had people smoke weed in our big pipe before but never legally and never anyone this famous.”

Trudeau is slated to take the first rip at exactly 4:20pm followed immediately by a CF-18 fly by.  The pipe will be kept lit for up to three hours to allow attenders a chance to sample the new government issue weed free of charge.  A great selection of food trucks and concessions will be on-site all evening.

St. Claude hopes to make the event an annual one.  “Around here we are calling it the 420 on the 240,” Demers explained.  “I think we can move the weed celebration from April 20 to October 17 with the new laws in place.”

“I invite all Canadians to join us in person, on television or through the internet as we celebrate the coming of age of our nation,” Trudeau said in a statement.

More musical and comedy acts will be added to the festival as the date gets closer.

Stay tuned to CIPP-TV and check out the website CIPPTVPortagelaPrairie.com for more details.

Notice to readers/disclaimer – this is a fictional story and a fictional website.  We don’t pretend to be real.  We are not fake news or fake crap.  We are imaginary, like most of our friends.  Click here to read more about this.   

Photo: Alex Guibord – https://www.flickr.com/photos/alexguibord/

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Junior B team tries to run goalie after getting down by 9

Junior B Hockey Team Tries To Win Game By Running Opposition Goalie When Down By 9 

ST. CLAUDE, MB –

The St. Claude Voyageurs of the Manitoba Junior B Hockey League sent a strong and clear message last night in a game they lost 11-1 to the Roland Pumpkin Express.  With only three minutes left in the second period Pumpkin Express forward and captain Gord Klassen rifled a shot past St. Claude goalie Mark Toth to put Roland up 9-0.  Following the ensuing faceoff Voyageur right-winger Josh Wexford took the puck hard to the net, intentionally knocking Roland goalie Peter Schroeder to the ice while sending the net flying.

“I wanted to get my team fired up, get them going, get us back in the game,” Josh Wexford told C.I.P.P. TV’s “Get The Puck Out” after the game.  “We needed a spark so I did what I could.”

Wexford found himself on the losing end of a fight and saddled with a 3 game suspension.

“Wexy was a real team player,” Voyageur Head Coach Brian Hannah said.  “We got down 9-0 and needed to try to get us back in the game.”

Voyageur coaches and players were unable to explain how hitting a vulnerable goalie would help them get back in a game they had no chance to win, leading many to speculate the move was just one of spite and revenge.

“Sure we had fewer shots than they did goals by that point but I like Wexy’s heart and thirst to win.  He has great compete,” Hannah said.  “The only thing we were trying to get even was the score.”

The controversial move did result in St. Claude breaking Schroeder’s shutout bid with Jacques Brouseau scoring on a breakaway late in the third period when Roland was no longer even trying and playing mostly third and forth line players.

“I think we really showed the hometown fans and the league what we’re all about,” Hannah said.  “It’s doesn’t matter if it’s 1-0 or 9-0 we’ll capable of doing whatever it takes to win.”

With only 2 wins so far this season St. Claude has certainly shown they regularly don’t show up to play until the score is out of hand and they have no chance to win.  A point coach Hannah disagrees with.

“You never know.  That could have been the spark to help us score ten goals in under 25 minutes of hockey,” Hannah pointed out.  A task they haven’t been able to accomplish in over three seasons having only scored a maximum of 4 goals in any one game in that time.

St. Claude has tried running the opposition players from behind, sucker punching, squirting Gatorade at the refs and delivering vicious two-handers over opposing player’s heads all in hopes of coming back from being down by large amounts.

“We are really trying to work with these young men and install in them the type of character it takes to win in hockey,” Hannah said.  “This isn’t kiddie play time, this is Junior B hockey and our players know what’s on the line.”

Rarely, if ever, do Junior B players older than 17 ever make to professional levels of hockey so at best, the majority of St. Claude’s players will go on to play Senior hockey and recreational beer leagues.

“Part of our recruiting pitch is that we have a long list of players who have gone on to a few senior leagues around the province and many more who have become stars on their late-night beer league teams,” Hannah explained.  “Our boys really get the drinking beer thing down during their time with us.”

Notice to readers/disclaimer – click here to read the full disclaimer and explanation about the fictional and satirical nature of this story and website.  You really shouldn’t need an explanation to realize this story is fictional.  Fictional means made up in case you were about to google the word fictional.  But by all means read the disclaimer and then read the additional legal information if you are confused at all.  We created these links because scientist have failed to find a cure for stupid.  Until they do we are forced to treat the symptoms with explanations like this.  Ya.

Photo Credit – Mark Mauno

Trudeau & “Fight For Your Right To Party” Exhibit Coming To Museum For Human Rights

Winnipeg, MB –

Primer Minister Justin Trudeau will launch a new exhibit acknowledging the right to party as a human right Canada Day 2018.

Symbolically coinciding with the legalization of marijuana, the new exhibit will celebrate Canadian youth culture through the last one hundred years and its struggle for legitimacy.

“Partying is a right of passage for teens and young adults,” exhibit designer Charles Rubin said.  “We have a young Prime Minister that gets youth culture and this addition to the museum will honour the gains Canadian young people have made.”

The naming of the new exhibit incorporates the Beastie Boys party rock anthem from the 1980’s and organizers are hopeful the band will perform at the grand opening.

“We know the band hasn’t performed the song in a long time but since we are celebrating the legalization of marijuana the same day we hope they will reconsider,” Rubin explained.

Prime Minister Trudeau will be in the province to smoke the giant pipe in St. Claude (click here to read full story) and will add the opening of the exhibit to his itinerary.

“Canada is a progressive nation and adding the right to party as a human right will help elevate our place in the world,” Rubin said.  “Pot will be legal, partying is a Canadian right, Canada is becoming a destination and Manitoba is at the heart of it.”

The museum and province are hoping for a tourism boon on Canada and the months following.

“Anyone born from the 1950’s on will connect with this new exhibit because they’ve all had to fight for their right to party,” Rubin said.

“The battle to party likely peaked in the 80’s but today’s youth still struggle at times to find the place and means to party.”

The museum hopes the increased attendance and attention for the “fight for your right to party” exhibit will expose people to the greater message of the iconic museum.  They want visitors to understand the advances in other areas of human rights are equally or possibly greater than the right to party.

“If we as Canadians didn’t enjoy so many other human rights already we wouldn’t be able to celebrate our right to party as hardily,” Rubin said.

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Photo:  Premier of Alberta – https://www.flickr.com/photos/premierofalberta/