Will Arnett gets lost trying to get from Winnipeg to Portage driving 150kms

Will Arnett Gets Lost Driving “150 Clicks” From Winnipeg To Portage la Prairie – Located 3 Days Later In Carberry

PORTAGE la PRAIRIE, MB –

Just days after releasing a video on Vanity Fair on Canadian slang, Will Arnett attempted to drive the “150 clicks” from Winnipeg to Portage la Prairie he mentioned in the video to visit relatives.

Family reported the Toronto born star missing the following day when he failed to show up at Splash Island for a family gathering and pool party.

“We rented the pool for the afternoon and was expecting Will to show up at noon,” Arnett’s Aunt Molly said.  “Will loves Island Park so we got worried when he didn’t show up.”

Police managed to locate Arnett in the parking lot of the Sand Hills Casino just south of Carberry Manitoba.

“It would appear Mr. Arnett set his cruise control just outside of Headingley and was expecting to drive 150 kilometers to Portage when the actual distance is about 70 kilometers,” Police spokesperson Brenda Walby said.  “He became distracted and didn’t see the exit signs to Portage la Prairie and proceeded to the Carberry turn off.  He indicated he followed signs to a casino and spent the next several days there where we found him in his rented vehicle sleeping.  Several locals recognized him as someone who might be on TV and contacted police after he hung around the parking lot for a couple of days asking where the water slides were.”

Arnett was taken to hospital for observation and autographs and was then returned to his family gathering on Island Park in Portage la Prairie.

“We bought Will a day pass to Splash Island, so he was very happy,” his Aunt Molly said.  “Will’s parents are from Winnipeg but Will grew up in Toronto so it only makes sense he would get lost in the wilds of Manitoba”

Arnett will be spending the next few days enjoying local tourist attractions like Delta Beach on Lake Manitoba, several walking trails and the Portage la Prairie Mall.

Notice to readers/disclaimer – click here to read the full disclosure and explanation of the fictional and satirical nature of this story and website along with links to some amazing legal mombo jumbo.  Portage la Prairie, Winnipeg and Carberry are real and Will Arnett is real, but the story is completely made up, and fanciful and full of delight.  Please do not share this with your friends on social media if you are trying to trick them into thinking this is real.  Please do share abundantly if you think it is funny and enjoyed the humour.  CIPPTV is a fictional television station that exists as a satirical website so please do not tune into Channel 116 looking for us.  Thoughts and prayers.

Photo Credit – Gage Skidmore

Video – Vanity Fair Will Arnett Explains Canadian Slang

 

 

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Splashing Banned From Splash Island

Portage la Prairie, MB –

If you thought a place called Splash Island would be okay with frisky frolicking, you’d be wrong.

New safety rules are in place to address an ongoing problem at Portage la Prairie’s premier water park.  There is a zero tolerance policy on splashing and aggressive frolicking.

“We have received more than eight complaints but not more than ten,” spokesperson and safety officer Susy Rempel said.  “We couldn’t ignore the risk factor of eye irritation and the chance of injury.”

Besides complaints rooted in safety concerns, Splash Island has received concerns from people not wanting to get their hair wet or makeup destroyed by people frolicking irresponsibly.

Lifeguards will be on the look out for anyone splashing water intentionally or unintentionally and those using the water slides will have to exit them slow enough to avoid a splash.

“Users will have to adjust their sliding to make sure those in the pool and deck area are not impacted with water to the body and face,” Rempel said.

A non-local security firm will provide additional enforcement and will physically remove violators from the complex and call police for pickup.

“This is serious,” Rempel emphasized.  “Our insurance company will not cover us unless we put rules in place to eliminate splashing.  If you think about it, you’ll agree it’s not a safe thing to do anyway.”

CIPP-TV questioned continuing with the name Splash Island when the practice was no longer allowed.

“We don’t see any contradiction in continuing with the name,” Rempel said.  “It’s Splash Island not splash pool.  If it was called splash pool we’d have to change the name but Splash Island indicates splashing on land which isn’t really possible.”

The justification for keeping the name raises further questions as to the rationale behind the name Splash Island when it is in fact a pool and water slide park and not an island.  This fact is further compounded by the reality the water-plex is not even on an Island but an isthmus.  Perhaps re-naming it to Don’t Splash Isthmus Water Park would make more sense.

Notice to readers/disclaimer about the true nature of this story and web site being fictional in origin and humorous in intent.

Photo: Nicola – https://www.flickr.com/photos/15216811@N06/

Jollibee Buys Naming Right to Splash Island

3825809420_ac71d42139_bPortage la Prairie, MB – 

Filipino, fast-food icon, Jollibee has purchased the naming rights to Splash Island and will be re-branding the facility over the coming weeks.  The new name for the outdoor pool and water-slides will be Jollibee Splash Island.

The water slides will be re-named “The Manila Thrilla” and “The Typhoon Twister” and the kid’s splash pad will be called the “Tubbatha Reef” to honour the Filipino heritage of the Jollibee chain of restaurants.

“The Filipino people have always enjoyed and supported Splash Island,” Splash Island Marketing Manager, Brenna Mouseau said.  “Jollibee is looking to expand its brand to all Canadians while solidifying its base so the naming rights to Splash Island was a perfect fit.”

The international restaurant chain is also in negotiations with Splash Island to open a Jollibee kiosk at the water park that will carry all the Jollibee menu favourites during the summer months.

Financial details were not released but the deal is thought to be in the ten-year, ten million dollar range.

Jollibee name, logo and related images are copyright property of the Jollibee Food Corporation.

Disclaimer

Photo Credit: Jollibee in front of Jollibee: Loren Javier: https://www.flickr.com/photos/lorenjavier/

Photo Credit: Man in front of Jollibee: Roy Patrick Tan: https://www.flickr.com/photos/flyingroc/