Millennials unaware of time change due to dependence on smart phones

Poll Reveals Millennials Not Aware Of Time Change & Doubt The Existence Of Daylight Saving Time

PORTAGE la PRAIRIE, MB –

A recent C.I.P.P. – TV poll indicates most people under 35 were not aware a change to Daylight Saving Time occurred this weekend.

“The poll we conducted shows 85% of millennials did not realize a change in time happened this weekend,” C.I.P.P.-TV head researcher Robin Harrisburg said.  “Over 70% surveyed didn’t know what Daylight Saving Time was, and the same amount didn’t know what the term ‘spring ahead’ or ‘fall back’ means.”

The fact most adults 35-years-old and younger are completely dependent of smart phone technology for their connection with the world is the cause for the lack of awareness with the ancient practice of changing clocks every spring and fall.

“I noticed that my car clock was different than my I-phone this morning but I didn’t notice anything else that was strange,” 21-year-old Todd Feathermore said.  “I saw something on twitter about springing ahead but I didn’t pay much attention to it.”

Many millennials do not understand Daylight Saving Time and some are skeptical of its existence.

“My mom called and left a voice mail about changing my clocks on Saturday night,” 28-year-old Brooke Waldner of Portage said.  “I didn’t know what she was talking about.  I’ve never set a clock in my life.  Who does that?”

Justin Moore, 30 of Portage laughed at the suggestion a time change had occurred.  “Sounds like an episode of Black Mirror or something.  You are trying to tell me time shifted exactly one hour and I never noticed.  I think if that happened I would have noticed something Sunday morning.”

Politicians are considering how the results of the poll will affect decisions on making DST permanent or eliminating it altogether.

“With this rate of ignorance we might be able to delay a decision for another 30 years and then just change the time on everyone’s smart phone whenever we want and no one would be the wiser,” Portage la Prairie’s Supreme Political Leader Murphy Braun said.

“Sure there might be a few people who are working during the time change but they would believe whatever their smart phone told them,” Braun said.  “I can see a lot of possibilities to manipulate the masses via their smart phones in the future.  That is why I will bring forward legislation to control smart phone access so we can do what we want as a government moving forward.  Imagine what could be possible if we controlled everything you saw on your smart phone?  It is a very exciting option.”

Most Portagers support the use of Daylight Saving Time all year-long to avoid confusion and so Manitoba would permanently be in a different time zone than Saskatchewan.

Notice to readers/disclaimer – click this link to read about the true nature of this story and website along with finding handy-dandy additional links to important legal information.  Those far less interested and who have already figured out this story and website are fictional and satirical and possibly humorous can simply know that their suspicions were correct and this is all made up.  That is what fictional means.  Satirical means we are poking fun at reality in an unreal way.  We will leave it up to you to figure out what we are making fun of and whether it is funny or not.  We are not the Supreme Political Leader of Portage la Prairie and do not desire to censor your thoughts or control what you read.  Long live the Queen!

Photo Credit – m01229

Millennials unaware of time change due to dependence on smart phones

Poll Reveals Most Millennials Oblivious Of Time Change Due To Reliance On Smart Phones

PORTAGE la PRAIRIE, MB –

A recent C.I.P.P. – TV poll indicates most people under 35 were not aware a change to Daylight Saving Time occurred this weekend.

“The poll we conducted shows 85% of millennials did not realize a change in time happened this weekend,” C.I.P.P.-TV head researcher Robin Harrisburg said.  “Over 70% surveyed didn’t know what Daylight Saving Time was, and the same amount didn’t know what the term ‘spring ahead’ means.”

The fact most adults 35-years-old and younger are completely dependent of smart phone technology for their connection with the world is the cause for the lack of awareness with the ancient practice of changing clocks every spring and fall.

“I noticed that my car clock was different than my I-phone this morning but I didn’t notice anything else that was strange,” 21-year-old Todd Feathermore said.  “I saw something on twitter about springing ahead but I didn’t pay much attention to it.”

Many millennials do not understand Daylight Saving Time and some are skeptical of its existence.

“My mom called and left a voice mail about setting my clocks on Saturday night,” 28-year-old Brooke Waldner of Portage said.  “I didn’t know what she was talking about.  I’ve never set a clock in my life.  Who does that?”

Justin Moore, 30 of Portage laughed at the suggestion a time change had occurred.  “Sounds like an episode of Black Mirror or something.  You are trying to tell me time shifted exactly one hour ahead and I never noticed.  I think if that happened I would have noticed something Sunday morning.”

Politicians are considering how the results of the poll will affect decisions on making DST permanent or eliminating it altogether.

“With this rate of ignorance we might be able to delay a decision for another 30 years and then just change the time on everyone’s smart phone whenever we want and no one would be the wiser,” Portage la Prairie’s Supreme Political Leader Murphy Braun said.

“Sure there might be a few people who are working during the time change but they would believe whatever their smart phone told them,” Braun said.  “I can see a lot of possibilities to manipulate the masses via their smart phones in the future.  That is why I will bring forward legislation to control smart phone access so we can do what we want as a government moving forward.  Imagine what could be possible if we controlled everything you saw on your smart phone?  It is a very exciting option.”

Most Portagers support the use of Daylight Saving Time all year-long to avoid confusion and so Manitoba would permanently be in a different time zone than Saskatchewan.

Notice to readers/disclaimer – click this link to read about the true nature of this story and website along with finding handy-dandy additional links to important legal information.  Those far less interested and who have already figured out this story and website are fictional and satirical and possibly humorous can simply know that their suspicions were correct and this is all made up.  That is what fictional means.  Satirical means we are poking fun at reality in an unreal way.  We will leave it up to you to figure out what we are making fun of and whether it is funny or not.  We are not the Supreme Political Leader of Portage la Prairie and do not desire to censor your thoughts or control what you read.  Long live the Queen!

Photo Credit – m01229

Coffee shops, beer vendors, social media and gossip voted most reliable news source

New Poll Says Coffee Shops, Beer Vendors & Gossip Most Reliable News Source

Portage la Prairie, MB –

A new poll commissioned by CIPP-TV indicates Portagers have come to rely more on what they hear from friends and associates over that they see and hear from their local media outlets.

“The trend is disturbing because we spend a lot of money, well okay, ‘some’ money on news,”  CIPP-TV owner Ryan Coke said.“To see how few people actually read our stuff is disappointing.

The survey, which is accurate 19 times out of 20, shows 78% of Portagers get their news from coffee shop conversations, what they hear at the beer vendor and from local gossips posting on social media.  Only 10% watch television for their news, 4% listen to radio news, 3% read the local paper regularly and 5% of Portagers admit to having absolutely no idea what is going on.

“We own newspaper, television and radio stations and have combined our news gathering efforts to make them more efficient,” Coke explained.  “I’m at a loss to explain why people would not rely on our constant efforts to re-print press releases and cover local photo ops.  We make great efforts to pander to local business and politicians and do everything we can to make Portage la Prairie a great place to live, work and shop.”

In recent years, local media outlets have cut staff and resources to the point where local coverage amounts to tokenism and in-depth or investigative pieces are never possible.  An easier path of community reflection based on positive spins on all stories is cheaper and more advertiser friendly.

“For sure,” Coke admits.  “We don’t really care about journalism.  At least I don’t.  We just need enough eyeballs to sell enough ads to make a buck.  We don’t want to upset people with anything controversial.  It’s not worth it.”

The decline in media accountability has left Portagers to find their own voice.  Most are finding comfort in complaining when they meet in public and pointing out what they see is wrong with Portage la Prairie.  Local issues are debated and shared over coffee, beer and through vicious social media posts.

“I read some of the mean comments we get,” Coke said.  “I wouldn’t want to read a newspaper or watch a newscast with that kind of negativity.”

Coke Media Systems owns radio, newspaper, television and internet holdings and vows to keep on doing what they are doing despite the results from the poll.

“The CRTC, local government and business community are very happy with us and keep rewarding us so we will keep on doing what we are doing.  Local yocals can hash out their conspiracy theories in their tin foil hats over coffee if they want.  We don’t want any part of digging too deep or holding people accountable.  We just want to make money.”

Notice to readers/disclaimer – click here for full disclaimer.  CIPP-TV and this story are imaginary, fictional and full of shit and satire.  Please read and share often but responsibly.

Photo credit: Vegan soldier