Patrik Laine's mom part of trending movement of mothers driving adult children around

Stats Show Patrik Laine’s Mom Part Of Growing Trend Of Mothers Driving Adult Children Around

WINNIPEG, MB –

In the wake of Patrik Laine’s ground breaking interview in The Players’ Tribune, and the revelation that his mother drives him to and from his hockey games, new stats show a growing trend of mothers chauffeuring their adult children.

The new report shows 48% of adult males 18-24 have their mothers drive them at least 5 times a week, with 38% reporting their mom drives them at least once a day.  This is up from 23% and 12% respectively just 12 years ago.

“We are seeing a growing trend in mothers driving their sons,” Study lead Samantha Dawkins said.  “We think it is directly linked to hockey.”

Researchers believe that thousands of hockey players are becoming acclimatized to their mothers driving them around and begin to enjoy the free time, opting to watch videos or play games on phones and handheld electronics.  The urge to play games and use smart phone aps has surpassed the appeal of driving oneself and gaining independence.

“The electronic gratification is stripping the desire to drive away from our young men, and to a lesser extent, our young women,” Dawkins said.  “Patrik Laine and his mom have become the poster people for this movement.”

Indications are the numbers will continue to go up as more young men jump aboard the trend wanting to emulate their NHL heroes.

*Patrik Laine’s Cousin Explains Reason Behind Mennonite Beard

“We are seeing moms drive their sons to work, university and to social functions on a regular basis,” Dawkins pointed out.  “Many are opting out of getting a license or vehicle saving themselves thousands of dollars a year that they can spend on gaming systems and data plans.”

Most mothers we spoke to love the additional and prolonged control and care they can exercise on their children.

“I love that Tyrel gets me to drive him to his junior hockey games,” Michele Gaudry said.  “I make him his favorite pre-game meal, chicken fingers with macaroni and cheese then take him to the game.  I have to wait around about an hour after the game to take him home but I don’t mind.  It gives me a chance to visit with the other mom’s.”

“Kevin gets me to drive him to work everyday,” Cheryl Friesen said.  “He has a sales job so sometimes I get to drive him to appointments all day.  When he stays in the office I make sure I make a lunch for him and send it along.  He still likes eating peanut butter and jam sandwiches.”  Kevin Friesen is a 25 year-old pharmaceutical rep and no longer has a license after letting it lapse a couple of years ago to fund his online gaming interests.

Some social scientists believe the trend will push marrying ages up and marriage rates down as mothers extend their care years and possibly decades into their children’s lives.

“We are seeing many more family situations where mothers are living with adult children, even those who are married,” Dawkins said.  “Children are putting a lot of value on, not just their mom’s ability to complete domestic work like cooking and cleaning, but their skills in financial management and life-coaching.”

Young adults and increasing numbers of middle-aged people are more than happy to have their mothers look after the details of their lives so they can be free to concentrate on careers and more importantly video games and smart phone aps.

“Without mom living with me and driving me to work there is no way I’d be able to meet my sales targets and log up to 80 hours a week on my Playstation,” Kevin Friessen shared.  “Mom is helping me reach the goals and dreams I have personally and professionally.  I couldn’t do this without her.”

 

Notice to readers/disclaimer – click here to read the full-on disclaimer, explanation and supporting legal statements about the satirical reality of this story and website.  Satire means this is not real, it is fiction that is attempting to make fun of something and make some kind of sideways comment on society and culture.  This is not fake news.  Fake news is designed to trick and fool. This fictional TV station is designed to entertain and make you snicker.  Fake news is also a term misused often by Donald Trump to deflect fair comment, reporting and criticism of his reign on the United States of America.

Photo Credit -Rex Roof

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Early Appearance of School Supplies Traumatizes Child – Mom Demands Compensation

Portage la Prairie, MB –

Summer holidays are supposed to be a happy, worry-free time for kids but one Portage youth’s vacation has been destroyed by careless retailing.

Sherry Skinner popped into a local big-box store for a box of freezies but she left with heart ache and pain.

Her ten-year old son, Reid, entered the store and noticed a large display of school supplies just inside the front entrance.

“It’s the middle of July,” Skinner said.  “We just kicked off summer holidays at the Portage Fair.  We weren’t expecting to have our summer ruined like this.  It’s completely irresponsible and insensitive.”

Reid had a holy freak out that included crying, screaming, punching and kicking when he saw the school supplies.

“It’s not his fault,” Skinner offered.  “My baby boy deserves a good vacation and not to be traumatized by corporate insensitivity.”

Sadly, the child was forcibly removed from the store by his mother and an elderly greeter who doubles as a bouncer.

“My baby boy didn’t have a good year at school,” Skinner explained.  “We had lots of issues with his teachers.  They weren’t sensitive and accommodating to his needs.  Reminding him of school isn’t a good thing to do.”  Reid is challenged in school by a lack of structure at home, an abundance of junk food, an unregulated bed time and unlimited access to the internet.

A growing trend among retailers is to push buying seasons earlier to grab increased market share.  This practice is now being questioned after this unfortunate incident.

“We don’t even got any money for school supplies right now anyways,” Skinner said.  “If they want to sell them they should put them somewhere my baby boy don’t see them.”

Local government authorities and others are demanding retailers not openly display school supplies until after August 15 and those selling before should place the supplies in the back of the store behind a curtain or veil so children aren’t exposed to them.

“I’m contacting the store and the various authorities to get some compensation,” Skinner said.  “Our summer was negatively impacted and we should be paid for that.”

A generous settlement package is being put together for the Skinner family to offset the burden of trying to repair Reid’s summer holidays.

“Maybe if they sent us some cash and baby boy got a bike it would help.  I can’t forget that day.  I didn’t even get my freezies.”

Notice to readers/disclaimer because some folks still think these stories are real.  They are not.  This is fiction, satire and maybe funny.

Photo: lovecatz – https://www.flickr.com/photos/lovecatz/

Coach Makes Final Pick Based on Mom’s Looks

2630163338_849abcb5c8_b-e1497571749959.jpgPORTAGE LA PRAIRIE, MB –

A married pee wee baseball coach has admitted to selecting a player for his team based on how attractive their mom was.

“When you get down to the final picks it doesn’t really matter how good the kid is because you know he won’t play much anyway,” coach Don Walters admitted.  “Ty’s mom always wears tight, low-cut shirts, so I figured what the heck?”

Coach Walters went on to explain he wanted to increase the eye-candy along the third base line during the game.  Walters’ wandering eyes got him in hot water with his wife who caught him staring at Ty’s mom during the game and reported him to the Portage Baseball Association.

“Ya, I got caught looking,” Walter said.  “But hey what’s wrong with getting an appetite as long as you’re eating at home?”

The P.B.A. said in a statement they would put a new policy in place to prevent kids being selected based on their parents appearance.  They have also asked Ty’s mom to wear sweat pants, loose-fitting hoodies and a baseball cap to make herself less of a distraction.

“I got the memo.  I guess next year I’ll use my last picks to choose kids whose parents don’t show up.  Way less drama when I sit them on the bench that way.”

Walters’ wife has purchased a gym membership, bought a new wardrobe and has been seen sitting on the visitor’s side sitting near the opposing coaches.

This story will be updated and the relationship deteriorates.

 

Disclaimer

Photo Credit: Woman in chair: Super Sue: https://www.flickr.com/photos/super_sue/

Photo Credit : Baseball team Wayne Silver: https://www.flickr.com/photos/psycho-pics/