Senior Hockey Star for Oakville Seals gets try out with Winnipeg Jets

Local Senior Hockey Star Gets NHL Shot With Injury To Winnipeg Jets’ Scheifele

PORTAGE LA PRAIRIE, MB –

Rinks around Southern Manitoba are buzzing over the prospect of a star player from our own backyard getting a shot at the NHL.

When the Winnipeg Jets lost one of their top players to injury, Tyler Murray was poised to make the most the opportunity.

“I’ve been dedicated to getting better and refining my game just in case something like this would happen,” Murray explained.  “Even though I was never drafted I felt if I worked hard I could be one of those late bloomers who make it.”  Murray was passed over in the bantam draft for the WHL and MJHL and never heard his name called in either of his NHL draft years.

A star in Portage Minor Hockey, regional AAA teams, high school, the Keystone Junior B Hockey League, Manitoba Junior Hockey League and Manitoba Major Junior Hockey League, Murray has increased his offensive output and learned to be a two hundred foot player while playing for several Senior A teams over the last four years.

“Right now I’m averaging about 1.4 goals per game and I’m like a plus 20 or something,” Murray said of his current season with the Oakville Seals of the Central Senior Hockey League.  “I feel I’m playing my best hockey right now.”

Coaches and team mates agree Murray is ready to make the jump from Senior hockey to the NHL.

“We have lots of guys in our league who have been junior stars and a few who have played pro and right now Murr is the best player in the league and the biggest pain in the ass,” Player/Coach Robert Morse said.  “During the last NHL lock out we had a couple of NHLers play with us and Murray is just as good as them and he doesn’t stop telling us.”

While Murray has not yet signed a professional try out contract with the Jets, he is confident he’ll get a look to replace the Jet’s injured top centre.

The Winnipeg Jets confirmed they have not been in talks with Murray about a try out or contract but Murray isn’t worried as he hopes to get something done with the club over the next couple days.

“They practise out of the Ice-Plex in Headingley so I’ve booked ice right before their next practice,” Murray shared.  “Once they see what I can do I’ll likely just stick around for their practice and go from there.”

“Right now I’m a UFA(unrestricted free agent) so I can demand a lot on the open market,” Murray said.  “I’m pretty sure the Jets will be fair with me.”

The development arc for Murray has been impressive.  In AAA bantam for the Central Plains Capitals he put up a mere 12 points in 37 games, but by the time he made the Portage High School team he put up 27 points in 24 games.  From there he was invited to Junior A camps but opted for the Manitoba Major Junior League’s Pembina Thrashers before being traded to the Stonewall Jets.  Despite being held pointless in his first full season he managed to find a spot with the Neepawa Natives of the Manitoba Junior Hockey League where he put up 25 goals in 50 games.  The following season he split his time between St. Malo of the KJHL and River East of the MMJHL.  A veteran of almost every hockey league in Manitoba, Murray feels the adversity has prepared the 25 year-old for what is next.

“While other guys my age slow down and stop working out, I’ve ramped it up.  I train 12 months a year and I rent my own ice 6 times a week.  That’s why I’m so sick.”

The Oakville Seals will miss their rising star if he makes the big club.

“With him in the line up we’re pretty good,” team-mate Bradley Posner said.  “Most of the guys don’t really give a shit if we win, but Murr is always going a hundred and twenty per cent.  He kind of belongs at a higher level with that type of mindset.  I get tired of listening to him chisel points so the break will be nice.”

“Sure I like to win,” Murray said.  “But in senior hockey, a lot of times it’s the team that is sober who wins so a lot of the time I just go out for points.”

“I put together a little highlight package of my better goals this year and I’ll give that to Chevy(Jets G.M. Kevin Cheveldayoff) and Paul(Jets Head Coach Paul Maurice) after I skate with them but they probably won’t need it.  I’ve been watching their goalies on TV and I’m pretty sure I can exploit them in pracky.”

“I’d love to make the NHL,” Murray shared.  “Not only would it be a dream to play in the best league in the world but it would almost one hundred per cent guarantee I could find a really hot girlfriend.”

CIPP-TV’s “Get The Puck Out” will be following Murray’s progress with the Jets and provide viewers with updates.

Notice to readers/disclaimer – click here to read the full disclaimer and explanation about the satirical and fictional nature of this story and website.  Fiction and Satire are generally sure-fire signs the story is made up and not real.  You’re smart though and already figured that out.  Good for you but this is for the dumb people out there who think Donald Trump and Facebook are real.

Photo Credit:  https://www.flickr.com/photos/mark6mauno/32445922024/in/album-72157679433615780/

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Former MJHL hockey star desperately asks "Do you know who I am?"

Barely Recognizable Former Junior Hockey Star Resorts To Using “Do You Know Who I Am”

CARMAN, MB –

He lit up the Manitoba Junior Hockey League for three years as a Portage Terrier and Winkler Flyer, putting up records for goals scored and total points but that was over twenty years and seventy pounds ago and Jesse Anderson is finding it harder to find people who remember his glory days.

“I pretty much dominated the M.J. for three solid years,” Anderson said.  “I averaged over a goal a game and got two rings.  The women wanted to be with me and the men wanted to be me.”

Time has not been kind to the once dominate athlete and fewer people remember the former superstar’s exploits.  In his prime, Anderson could walk into any restaurant or bar in Portage la Prairie or his hometown of Carman and be showered with praise and freebies.

“I don’t think I paid for a drink or a meal for a good ten years,” Anderson recalled.  “I’d get deals on everything from cars to groceries just by showing people my rings and letting them hang out with me.”

Anderson still plays hockey, albeit at a slower pace for the local senior hockey team but he is a shadow of his former self.

“Jesse tells us before every game how he scored over two hundred goals in the M.J.” senior hockey teammate Brian Handford said.  “He can barely skate anymore and we have to set him up in front of the net for him to get a goal.  Most games we healthy scratch him but some of the guys feel sorry for him so he gets in every three or four games.”

Anderson sees his current hockey career a little differently than the rest of his team.

“I help the senior team out when I can.  I’m more of a playing coach and mentor,” Anderson explained.  “They use me as a power play expert but I’m pretty busy with work so I can’t get to as many games as I would like.”

“He shows up every game with his gear, even if we text him to tell him his not dressing,” Handford said.  “He usually tears up when we tell him he can’t play.”

Anderson’s invisibility on the ice extends to his regular life and he has found it hard to cope.

“Last week I was at a restaurant in town and the waitress gave me the bill,” Anderson said.  “I gave her a sly wink and said ‘Don’t you know who I am?”

It turns out she had no idea who Jesse Anderson was or is.

“This fat old guy was trying to hit on me and he started to flip out when I told him I didn’t know who he was or care,” 21 year-old professional server Olivia Thomas said.  “My boss said he kinda remembered him but he was such an arrogant jerk.”

Faced with having to buy his own meals and paying full price for everything Anderson points to what he feels the problem is.

“You know nowadays they just don’t teach enough history.  Kids should be taught about my record-setting career in school it would give them something to work toward and dream about.”

Anderson admits it has been years since any woman, other than his wife, has been impressed by his hockey prowess and the day of the free meal might be over.

“I know it’s kind of in the past,” Anderson said.  “I still find it hard to believe that more people don’t know who I am.  My record still stands and I’m in the Manitoba Hockey Hall of Fame.”

Despite repeated offers to take us on a tour of the Hall of Fame to show us his display CIPP-TV declined and opted to quickly end the interview.  Anderson has sent the station numerous emails of newspaper clippings and stat sheets from his time in junior hockey but we graciously declined to publish them.

Notice to readers/disclaimer – click here to read more about the fictional state of this story and website.  That means it’s not real, duh.

Photo Credit: Steam Pipe Truck Distribution Venue

Jets to Adopt Name & Winning Tradition of Portage Terriers – Portage Now Ruff Riders

Winnipeg, MB –

The Winnipeg Jets made a splash before free agent frenzy by taking the whole organization in a new, winning direction.

After years of the Jets 2.0 repeating the same history as the NHL Jets 1.0, True North decided it was time for a big change in hopes of improving their fate.

Switching the name of a professional sports team is a serious endeavour, but the Jets only had to look west down the Trans Canada Highway to Portage la Prairie for inspiration – and a name.

Starting next season, the Winnipeg Jets will be known as the Winnipeg Terriers, taking on the name and logo of the provinces most winning hockey team of the last two decades.

While the Jets moniker had nostalgic value, the name seemed to be cursed, with the team never achieving any playoff success.  The Terrier brand comes with an aura of a champion and implies hockey excellence that will hopefully transfer into the big league.

Now without a name, the Portage junior hockey team, and reigning league champion, is considering taking on a traditional football name, the Ruff Riders.  The switch to the Ruff Riders tag would fit nicely with the green and white colour scheme of the team and the tradition of solid fan support.  Portage la Prairie’s main street is also named Saskatchewan Avenue.  The use of “Ruff” is a tie-in to the terrier dog of the past and will be worked into the new logo.

Reports suggest the Winnipeg Jets were also considering the Wheat Kings name as an option but felt the Terrier brand had a bigger cache and there was a conflict with the NHL Los Angeles Kings.

We will have more information on the updated jerseys of both teams as it is available.

 

notice to readers/disclaimer.

Photo: Braydon M: https://www.flickr.com/photos/bmusick1/