Trudeau To Celebrate Marijuana Legalization By Taking A Rip From St. Claude’s Giant Pipe Oct. 17

St. Claude, MB –

Prime Minister Justin Trudeau is kicking off the legalization of marijuana in a big way.

Trudeau is opting to celebrate in St. Claude Manitoba rather than Ottawa with a special afternoon ceremony at 4:20pm local time.

“There is no more fitting place to mark this historic moment,” Prime Minister Trudeau said,  “We have a bi-lingual town in the middle of Canada that has honoured its ties with France by creating the world’s largest smokable pipe.  This will be the most Canadian way to kick off the legalization of marijuana.”

Local planners buoyed by the influx of funding are planning a day long festival featuring fireworks and concerts.  A diverse line-up of artist will include Bob Dylan, Snoop Dog, Eric Church, Lady Gaga, Lil Wayne, Willie Nelson, Drake and many more.  Special M.C.’s will be Cheech and Chong and a full roster of comedian is coming soon.

“We are thrilled to be the location for this event,” organizer Serge Demers said.  “We had people smoke weed in our big pipe before but never legally and never anyone this famous.”

Trudeau is slated to take the first rip at exactly 4:20pm followed immediately by a CF-18 fly by.  The pipe will be kept lit for up to three hours to allow attenders a chance to sample the new government issue weed free of charge.  A great selection of food trucks and concessions will be on-site all evening.

St. Claude hopes to make the event an annual one.  “Around here we are calling it the 420 on the 240,” Demers explained.  “I think we can move the weed celebration from April 20 to October 17 with the new laws in place.”

“I invite all Canadians to join us in person, on television or through the internet as we celebrate the coming of age of our nation,” Trudeau said in a statement.

More musical and comedy acts will be added to the festival as the date gets closer.

Stay tuned to CIPP-TV and check out the website CIPPTVPortagelaPrairie.com for more details.

Notice to readers/disclaimer – this is a fictional story and a fictional website.  We don’t pretend to be real.  We are not fake news or fake crap.  We are imaginary, like most of our friends.  Click here to read more about this.   

Photo: Alex Guibord – https://www.flickr.com/photos/alexguibord/

Advertisements
Locals will turn a Colorado Low into a high by smoking marijuana

Locals To Turn Colorado Low Into A High

PORTAGE la PRAIRIE, MB –

A major winter storm is headed our way and a local cat owner and pot enthusiast has a plan to make it all go away.  Or at least it will feel that way.

Billy Neepawa is organizing a Colorado High event for this Monday to celebrate the upcoming legalization of marijuana and to raise funds for a local animal shelter.

“The more it snows the more we’ll toke,” said Neepawa.  “Blaze the blizzard!”

With pot consumption and trade becoming legal this summer, Neepawa says this is the perfect tie-in to celebrate the legalization of marijuana.

He will be putting up posters around town and using social media to market the event that will be free to attend with a donation of pet food.  In the event the Colorado low closes highways Neepawa will open his doors to all those stranded.

“I can’t think of a better way to experience Portage as a tourist,” said Neepawa.

The event is tied to helping a local shelter, a cause near to Neepawa’s heart since his cat’s last round of constipation.

“I’m a little worried about my cat being affected by second-hand smoke.  Since his enema he’s been pooping regularly and I don’t want to mess that up.”

The Colorado High starts Monday afternoon and lasts as long as the storm.  Neepawa’s home is located near the east-end 7/11 which will be open regardless of how bad the weather gets.  There will be an abundance of food should participants get hungry.

 

Photo Credit – Amelia Wells

 

Notice to readers/disclaimer – please click here to read the full explanation and disclaimer and to find additional links to important legal statements.  Please be advised that the above article and others on this website are without merit when it comes to being real. That means it and they are not real. It and they are works of fiction. Fiction implies, but is not limited to, they are made up and are not real stories and any resemblance to real events, people and their goings on is coincidental. Now, please note that while  Portage la Prairie is a real place and humans, animals and some of the goings on of said things are real, these works are still of fiction created from the minds of sometimes troubled people known more commonly as writers. Writers of such material are creating the unreal from the real. Let the onus be on the reader and consumer of the material on this site to be fully and completely aware of the responsibilities that come with reading the above said material. As a reader of same you are obligated to embrace the opus as humorous, satirical, weird, unusual, quirky, offbeat but not as reality. When sharing electronically, verbally or via physical gestures please do so only after reading the piece in its entirety along with the accompanying notice to reader. Never share with any malice or misgivings. Don’t mislead people into thinking this is anything but a work of fiction. This contest has no cash value, is void where prohibited by law and is affront to common sense and decency. Don’t leave the lights on. Save the world.

 

 

Pot dealers can opt for severance or transitional support

Trudeau Announces Support & Severance Plan For Local Weed Dealers

OTTAWA, ON – 

Low level drug dealers feeling the squeeze from the upcoming legalization of cannabis received some welcome news from the federal government.

Prime Minister Justin Trudeau announced the government’s plan to help all dealers affected by the July 1, 2018 changes with a severance package to those looking to get out of the drug dealing business and transition and re-training support for those looking to change their line of dealing.

“This news is pretty cool,” local pot supplier Brandon Rysner said.  “To be honest I didn’t know what I would be doing after weed became legal.  Now I have hope for the future.”

Dealers across the country have been complaining about job displacement since many are self-employed they wouldn’t be eligible for Employment Insurance or existing re-training programs.

“I worked hard for years building up my business,” Rysner said.  “I’m glad we can get some help after our livelihoods were stripped from us.”

The plan allows dealers looking to quit the illegal drug business to gain up to one month per every year they served as a pot dealer.  Rysner estimates that could mean a one time settlement of over $65,000 if he decides to quit dealing altogether.

“I might shut it down, but I want to see how the transition program works,” he said.  “I mean, if they could hook me up with a good supply of meth, coke or some of the custom dope out there I might just adapt my business.”

The Pot Dealer Transition Support Program would offer dealers help in developing a business plan and provide bridge financing for those wanting to make the switch to other illegal narcotics.  The federal government announced today it didn’t want to see any pot dealers left behind and promised to work with the estimated 30,000 weed dealers across the country.

Those now employed full or part-time in the selling of cannabis will be able to register for the program at any local Service Canada Office starting Monday.

“Like hopefully I’ll get around to registering, but you know, it’s all good,” Rysner said.  “I’m still pissed the government is killing my business by their endless regulation.”

The government estimates less than 20% of all existing dealers will participate in the new plan because, well, they are wasted a lot of the time and don’t get much done.

Notice to readers/disclaimer – click here to read more about the fictional and satirical reality of this story and website.  No matter what you are smoking this isn’t real. Chill out have a laugh, pass the doobie and enjoy.

Photo credit: Raphael Castillo

Trudeau & “Fight For Your Right To Party” Exhibit Coming To Museum For Human Rights

Winnipeg, MB –

Primer Minister Justin Trudeau will launch a new exhibit acknowledging the right to party as a human right Canada Day 2018.

Symbolically coinciding with the legalization of marijuana, the new exhibit will celebrate Canadian youth culture through the last one hundred years and its struggle for legitimacy.

“Partying is a right of passage for teens and young adults,” exhibit designer Charles Rubin said.  “We have a young Prime Minister that gets youth culture and this addition to the museum will honour the gains Canadian young people have made.”

The naming of the new exhibit incorporates the Beastie Boys party rock anthem from the 1980’s and organizers are hopeful the band will perform at the grand opening.

“We know the band hasn’t performed the song in a long time but since we are celebrating the legalization of marijuana the same day we hope they will reconsider,” Rubin explained.

Prime Minister Trudeau will be in the province to smoke the giant pipe in St. Claude (click here to read full story) and will add the opening of the exhibit to his itinerary.

“Canada is a progressive nation and adding the right to party as a human right will help elevate our place in the world,” Rubin said.  “Pot will be legal, partying is a Canadian right, Canada is becoming a destination and Manitoba is at the heart of it.”

The museum and province are hoping for a tourism boon on Canada and the months following.

“Anyone born from the 1950’s on will connect with this new exhibit because they’ve all had to fight for their right to party,” Rubin said.

“The battle to party likely peaked in the 80’s but today’s youth still struggle at times to find the place and means to party.”

The museum hopes the increased attendance and attention for the “fight for your right to party” exhibit will expose people to the greater message of the iconic museum.  They want visitors to understand the advances in other areas of human rights are equally or possibly greater than the right to party.

“If we as Canadians didn’t enjoy so many other human rights already we wouldn’t be able to celebrate our right to party as hardily,” Rubin said.

Notice to readers/disclaimer – please click here to read more about this story and website being fictional and satirical.  This is not real.  It is also not fake news intended to trick anyone.  It is humour intended to entertain.  Read, share and enjoy responsibly.

Photo:  Premier of Alberta – https://www.flickr.com/photos/premierofalberta/