Husband grows his belly to support his wife during pregnancy

Man Grows Sympathy Belly During Wife’s Pregnancy

Portage la Prairie, MB – A local, devoted husband is giving up his slender, fit physique for the sake of his pregnant wife.  Todd Saunders, 33, is taking empathy to a whole new level as he is allowing his body to change along with his wife who is 6 months pregnant with the couples first child.

“We call it my sympathy belly,” said Saunders.  “I noticed with my wife’s increased appetite I was eating more and exercising less and my stomach starting swelling right along with hers.”

Saunders sees his expanding belly as a symbol of support for his spouse and a way of physically participating in the pregnancy.

“I want her to feel comfortable and beautiful in her larger body.  I feel more comfortable and attractive as well,” explained Saunders.  In addition to his growing gut Saunders has noticed his breast becoming larger and more sensitive and his hair getting thicker.

Experts refer to what Saunders is experiencing as Couvade Syndrome but Meaghan Saunders calls it an expression of love.

“Its like we are pregnancy twins,” said Mrs. Saunders.  “I feel closer to Todd and that he understands more what I’m going through.”

Mr. Saunders has even experienced morning sickness after nights of beer drinking done to aid with his abdomen growth.  “Meaghan can’t drink right now but she appreciates when we can sick in the morning together.”

The Saunders say they are considering Todd keep his weight after the baby arrives to take the pressure off Meaghan to lose her baby weight and share any body shaming that might come their way.

“We are in this together, now and after the baby arrives.”

Photo Credit – Miss Pupik

Notice to readers: Click here to read the full disclaimer and important legal information.  Please be advised that while Portage la Prairie is a real place, the content of this and other stories on this website are based on fiction and the imagination of humans. Some events, people and places may resemble reality but the fact remains the information is unreliable, lacking in credibility and truth. Some of this may seem real to some readers but more reasonable people will pick up on the humour and satire. Consumption of this and other stories may cause dizziness, dry mouth, facial blemishes, hives, and thin hair. Should you experience an erection lasting more than four hours please seek medical treatment. This corporation assumes no responsibility for your grasp on reality, ability to tolerate sarcasm, humour and mocking comments. In addition they assume no responsibility for any resulting effects from digesting the content in this and other posts relating to but not limited to the aforementioned website and ancillary media products and modes of transportation. Please read and discuss at your own risk and with great caution. Should you feel nauseous at any point while reading this content please glance away from the screen or leave the website, social media or print page and the feeling should pass. This offer is not valid with any other offer and carries no cash or other value not to mention merit. Drive safe and drink responsibly, always consume in moderation. We like oatmeal and beans. Never open your doors to strangers with weapons or offer rides to same. Please no parking without a permit. And yes, objects are larger than they appear in mirrors – unless the mirrors cause magnification in which case the object would be smaller in reality. Please consult a physician before working out. Call your mom. Pray for Portage.

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Portage man strips while blowing snow to out do neighbour

Man Strips While Blowing Snow

Portage la Prairie, MB –  A local man took extreme measures to win a snow blowing competition by stripping down to his boots and shorts.

For years, Alvin Cunningham and Gilbert Fast have been trying to out do the other with their snowblowers.

“I was the first on the street with a snowblower so I would do the sidewalk and the driveways of the old folks and shut-ins,” explained Cunningham.  “But then this tool moves in a few houses over and thinks he’s better than me.  He starts clearing half the street and most of the driveways just to out-do me.”

The snow feud has raged on for a decade to the benefit of most of the neighbours who now rarely have to clear snow.

“Between the two of us we blow everyone,” said Fast.  “Well, almost, there are a couple of knobs further down the street who like to push the snow into the street.  We just blow it back on their yards for being dick heads.”

Recently the battle amped up with Cunningham retiring from the MDC and having more time than Fast to blow snow.

“I guess I just got sick of him beating me out there during the week,” said Fast.  “I had to do something so I challenged him to a blow off.”

A “blow off” is akin to a dance-off where two competitors with snow blowers try to out do the other with tricks and stunts.  After a series of fancy twists and turns and fluttering columns of snow shooting skyward most of the neighbours were watching so Fast took it to another level.

“After doing a figure eight I looked over and that idiot was taking his clothes off,” said Cunningham.

Fast proceeded to take almost everything off to silence his foil once and for all.

“Not too many people can blow snow bareback so that will shut old Cunningham up for a while,” said Fast.

The two men are not on speaking terms after Cunningham caught his wife posting photos of her sexy snow blowing neighbour, complete with racy comments, to social media.

Notice to readers/disclaimer:  click here to read the full disclaimer proclaiming this story and website as being satirical and fictional.  Please be advised that while Portage la Prairie is a real place, the content of this and other stories on this website are based on fiction and the imagination of childish humans.  Some events, people and places may resemble reality but the fact remains the information is unreliable, lacking in credibility and truth.  Some of this may seem real to some readers but more reasonable people will pick up on the humour and satire.  Consumption of this and other stories may cause dizziness, dry mouth, facial blemishes, hives, and thin hair.  Should you experience an erection lasting more than four hours please seek medical treatment. This corporation assumes no responsibility for your grasp on reality, ability to tolerate sarcasm, humour and mocking comments.  In addition they assume no responsibility for any resulting effects from digesting the content in this and other posts relating to but not limited to the aforementioned website and ancillary media products and modes of transportation.  Please read and discuss at your own risk and with great caution.  Should you feel nauseous at any point while reading this content please glance away from the screen or leave the website, social media or print page and the feeling should pass.  This offer is not valid with any other offer and carries no cash or other value not to mention merit.  Drive safe and drink responsibly, always consume in moderation.  We like cats and dogs.  Never open your doors to strangers with weapons or offer rides to same.  Please no parking without a permit.  And yes, objects are larger than they appear in mirrors – unless the mirrors cause magnification in which case the object would be smaller in reality.  Please consult a physician before working out.  Call your mom.  Stop picking at it.  If it bleeds it leads.

 

Who is the mysterious man found in Portage la Prairie who says only one word: potato

Police Seek Help Identifying Man Found In Portage la Prairie Speaking Only One Word: Potato

PORTAGE la PRAIRIE, MB –

Portage police picked up a mysterious man Saturday morning at a local coffee shop after other customers got into an altercation with him for holding up the line by trying to place an order by saying just one word.  Potato.

Once in custody, police tried to question the man, but he stonewalled them by answering with just the word, potato.  Fingerprint and facial recognition searches yielded no information on the man’s identity, prompting police to ask for the public’s help.

“We feel there must be someone out there who the man is living with or visiting that knows his true identity,” police spokesperson Peter Froman said.  “It is very frustrating when dealing with someone who is only willing or able to say potato.”

Medical experts evaluating the man have been unsuccessful in finding an explanation to his limited communication.

“He appears normal from a physical and psychological perspective,” Froman explained.  “Normal except that he only says the word potato, which is very abnormal, even for Portage residents.”

“We did try to get him to say other words like hash browns, fries and mashed but he would just stare at us and say potato,” Froman added.

Eyewitness and coffee shop patron, Billy Neepawa, tried to communicate with the potato man.

“He was just ahead of me and kept saying potato to the kid at the counter,” Neepawa said.  “Poor kid didn’t know what to do.  He went through pretty much everything on the menu and the dude just kept saying potato.”

Neepawa tried to explain to the man he was in a coffee shop but he got nowhere.

“I thought he was trippin’ at first but the dude looked completely normal.  He just kept saying potato over and over again.  I asked him if that’s what he wanted but he didn’t indicate yes or no, he just kept saying potato,” Neepawa said.

No charges are pending on the mysterious potato man from the altercation at the coffee shop but authorities want to identify him before releasing him.

“We ask if anyone recognizes him to contact us immediately,” Froman said.  “We don’t know if he needs medication or if that will even stop him from saying potato.”

This most recent incident of a person just saying one word is frighteningly similar to the case two years ago of the strange woman who said strawberry.  Police do not believe the two cases are related but the woman is still in psychiatric care in a facility in Winkler and are reporting no progress in her case.

“We still don’t know where the strawberry lady came from or why she only said the word strawberry,” Froman said.  “Her file remains active and we continue to chase leads as they surface.”

Portage la Prairie seems to be a destination for people who only communicate with single words and home to many who understand single or few words.  Some are suggesting it has something to do with literacy rates or trauma associated to reading and comprehension.

“This may be a social issue but we are not ruling anything out at this point,” Froman said.  “We don’t believe there is a threat to public safety but we would appreciate information on anyone else speaking single words.”

C.I.P.P.- TV Channel 116 will have updates on this story and more as news breaks.

Notice to readers/disclaimer – click here to read the full disclaimer and find additional legal information about the fictional, satirical and occasionally humorous nature of this story and website.  This story is just fiction, it is not real.  No one in Portage la Prairie is just saying potato and/or strawberry, although, we would not be surprised if it happened.  Do not trick your friends, family and associates into thinking this is real.  That would not be nice and considered majorly uncool.  Remember to vote for Billy Neepawa whenever you can.  We love him and he is great.

Photo Credit – David

Portage Man Busted Using Fake ID at Costco

Portage la Prairie, MB – 

It is the case of the free snack that went wrong for Portager Bailey Berry, who was caught at a Winnipeg Costco using a fake I.D.  He stands accused of identity theft Thursday afternoon, fraud and solicitation.

According to reports, the young man was attempting to enter the Costco on St. James Street using an expired membership card issued to his uncle Peter Neufeld when staff noticed the attempted fraud and called authorities.

“I come to ‘Peg city a few times a week for work,” Bailey Berry explained.  “If I’m by the Costco at lunch I use my uncle’s card to get in for the free samples.  I guess this time they actually looked at the picture.”

Berry has been accessing various Costcos over the period of about five years, eating samples, checking out the new deals and occasionally buying food from the in-store restaurant.

“If they don’t have many samples I just go and get one of the cheap hot dogs,” Berry said.  “You can enjoy those dogs all day too.  Every time you burp, they come back up a bit.  I never try and buy anything because they will check the photo then for sure, eh.”

The initial charges of identity theft were dropped as Berry’s uncle Peter Neufeld confirmed he willingly gave Berry his old card to access the Costco illegally for free-samples.  “I was proud of Bailey,” Neufeld said.  “He’s half Mennonite you know.  It’s just part of his culture to want to get a good deal and eat as cheap as he can.”

In lieu of a fine, Berry has committed to buying his own membership, limiting himself to one sample per visit and purchasing the sampled products he likes.

According to corporate officials, this is a growing problem with residents of Portage la Prairie, Stonewall and Steinbach.  They blame the close proximately to these centres known for their high concentrations of thrifty residents.

Disclaimer and notice to reader.

Photo: Panegyrics of Granovetter : https://www.flickr.com/photos/sarah_c_murray/