Hockey dad gets banned from Foot Locker for abuse of officials

Hockey Fan Kicked Out Of Foot Locker For Abusing Referees

WINNIPEG, MB – 

A Portage la Prairie hockey dad was planning on picking up a pair of shoes at the mall during a break in a weekend tournament but he left with a misconduct and an ejection.

Steve Sapinski, entered the Foot Locker in Polo Park searching for a new pair of running shoes when he found trouble.  Within seconds of looking around the store he found a display of New Balance shoes at “buy one pair, get the second at 50% off.”  Sapinski made a move for the discount section when another male shopper stepped in his way.

*Investigation Reveals “buy one, get one 50% off” Sales Just a 25% Discount.*

“This goof comes out of the track suit section and shoots me an elbow then proceeds to interfere with my drive to the shoes,” Sapinski recalled.  “It was a blatant infraction.  It was black and white elbowing and interference.  Everyone in store could see it!”

The irate Sapinski gave the perpetrator a shove and glared at a store employee wearing a referee-styled shirt.

“There was no whistle and he didn’t have his arm up,” Sapinski said.  “He was looking right at me.  He had the nerve to tell me to be careful and stop pushing. That’s when I lost it!”

Sapinski was in an agitated state from watching his son play hockey all weekend and from having to go to the mall on a Saturday when his frustration boiled over.

He screamed in the employee’s face, shoved him, and then starting yelling abuse at the other employees wearing ref uniforms.

“It was worse than three blind mice out there,” Sapinski shared.  “That place has refs every three feet and they still can’t get a friggin call right.  That guy clearly blocked me from getting the shoes I wanted.  He gets the discount and I end up in the box.  How’s that fair?”

Store employees surrounded Sapinski until mall security guards arrived to escort him out of the store into the arms of police who took him into custody.

“I told them to check their cell phones ’cause they have a bunch of missed calls.  Then I said I thought only horses slept standing up,” Sapinski said.

While being physically removed from the store Sapinski was heard screaming, “You better be careful because you’re probably pregnant after missing three periods.”  As he exited the store he fired one last barb.  “Why don’t you get off your knees, you’re blowing the game.”

The Portage man is now facing charges of aggravated assault and a season long suspension from Foot Locker and the Polo Park Mall.  He waved his right to an in-person hearing and is now looking for shoes in Portage la Prairie.

“That’s the last time I shop at a store with a bunch of refs,” Sapinski offered.  “I’ll stay in Portage where shoes sales people don’t dress like blind zebras.”

 

Notice to readers/disclaimer – click here to read the full disclaimer, explanation and links to official legal documents explaining the fictional, satirical and ridiculous truth of this story and website.  It will basically tell you what you should have already figured out on your own.  This is made up.  It is not real.  Sure, Foot Locker, Polo Park Mall, stupid hockey dads and employees in ref shirts are real but this story is so beyond stupid it could not be real.  Don’t be one of those people who call funny fiction “fake news”.  This is so obviously dumb no reasonable person would believe it to be news.  Rational people can identify satire 19 times out of 20.  The other time they roll their eyes and stop reading because they don’t find it funny.  Please click and share responsibly.

Photo Credit – Erin Nekervis

 

 

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NHL will have referees flip a coin at centre ice to decide goal tender interference and contested offsides

NHL Introduces Coin Flip To Solve All Goalie Interference & Coaches Challenges

TORONTO, ON –

In the face of ongoing criticism from players and coaches combined with mounting pressure from fans the NHL has taken swift action to eliminate video review and introduce a simple coin flip at centre ice to settle up to two challenged calls per game.

“The NHL, NHLPA, along with our owners have agreed to improve the game by eliminating video review for offside, and goalie interference,” Commissionaire Gary Bettman announced.  “We will speed up what is already the fastest game on earth by allowing referees to quickly toss a coin to decide situations that coaches challenge.”

Under the new plan, the coach that issues the challenge will inform the head official whether they are calling heads or tails and then the referee will make the public address announcement and flip the coin at centre ice with the captains observing.

“Calls will be made efficiently, effectively and quite frankly more accurately than they are now,” Bettman said.

Many teams are exploring how they can exploit the new system for additional revenue by allowing fans at home and in the arena to quickly bet on the outcome.

“We are working with our web partners to develop an ap that works every bit as awkwardly and is as equally frustrating as the existing NHL ap,” Bettman shared.  “We are hoping to tie into banking aps and payment options like paypal and the like to allow fans for fork over more money with very little being returned to them.”

The players association are hopeful the new revenue stream becomes part of the hockey related revenues of the NHL so the salary cap can go up with the amount of their salaries held in escrow reduced.

It will be several weeks before fans see the change implemented as the league and officials must source of supplier of weighted coins so the NHL will still be able to help the teams it deems most in need assistance.

“We like to see a system with the coin flip that benefits the weaker teams in the largest markets so we can generate larger audiences and more revenue across all platforms,” Bettman said.  “We don’t need teams like Calgary, Edmonton, Winnipeg or Columbus gaining any advantage over more desirable teams like Toronto, Montreal, New York and Las Angeles.

Fans across the league are welcoming the idea and feel it will improve their team’s chances during challenged plays.  Referees are relieved because they never knew what the right call was most of the time.  This will save them hours of work trying to learn rules and watch video.

Once the coin flip is tested for coach’s challenges, player safety may start employing it when it comes to additional discipline and suspensions.

“I could see this working very well for supplementary discipline situations,” Bettman said.  “Right now we have former players with questionable judgement likely do to some kind of head trauma they suffered making these decisions.  Surely a coin toss would be an improvement on that.”

There is speculation that at upcoming labour talks Gary Bettman could try and utlize his weighted coin to resolve impasses during negotiations with the NHLPA.

Notice to readers/disclaimer – please click here to read the full disclosure and legal prose explaining the fictional and satirical nature of this story and website.  If you weren’t able to figure out the whole thing was a joke you may not be able to understand a couple thousand words of legal speak.  We will help you.  This story and website are not real.  This is made up.  For fun.  And humor.  Please read and share responsibly.  We are naked when we write these stories.  That would explain all the typos and syntax errors.

Photo Credit – Dan4th Nicholas