University research team discovers source of smell in Gladstone Arena washroom

Researchers Identify Source Of Smell In Gladstone Rink As 1970’s Urine

GLADSTONE, MB – 

For decades, arena attenders have marvelled at the scent emanating from the cozy urinals in the men’s washroom at the Gladstone rink and they are delighted to know researchers at the University of Manitoba identified the source.

“It’s such a familiar smell,” Herb Friesen of Westbourne said.  “Every time I go to there I get a whiff and it takes me back to the good old days of going to the Lakers’ games with dad and Uncle Sam.”

The odour is widely viewed as nostalgic by many Happy Rock rink regulars.

“It smells like victory to me,” Brian Watson of Gladstone said.  “It takes me back to the last time the Lakers won a championship in the mid 90’s.”

Despite over 40 years of cleaning efforts, the sanitation crews in Gladstone were never successful in ridding the rink of the smell.  While not overpowering, the scent has permeated nostrils and drawn criticism of visiting hockey fans for years.

“I can’t stand the smell in the Gladstone shitter,” Marvin Metcalfe of MacGregor shared.  “I take a big gasp of air as I walk in and slowly exhale while I take a leak to try to avoid the stench.”

“I thought that was just how Gladstone smelled,” Emily Broadbank of Neepawa said.  “The whole town kind of smells like that.  I notice it’s quite a bit stronger in the men’s washroom but I don’t go in there that often so I never complain.

A local faculty of science student, Chase McLean decided to study the smell as part of a university study into the origins of scent.

“All my life I heard people talk about the smell in the men’s washroom so when I became part of this research team I suggested we try to find the source,” McLean said.  “It’s the only washroom in the study but it was rewarding to get some answers for my hometown.”

The results reveal the odour is from a sampling of adult male urine from the mid to late 1970’s that contained high levels of alcohol and various prescription medicines.  The offending urine managed to spill onto and penetrate the floors, walls and ceiling in the washroom, making surface cleaning ineffective in eliminating the scent.

“It seems to be a powerful cocktail of urine with a perfect storm of booze and meds combining to create something timeless,” McLean explained.  “Its comparable to a combination of chicken excrement, tomcat spray and skunk scent but with more staying power.”

Now that the Gladstone Arena is aware the scent can only be removed by demolition of removal of the hard material it has decided to forgo that process and not bother with future surface cleaning.

Rink officials say the smell is part of the history and culture of the rink and plan on installing a plaque to explain the source.

“With talk of building a new rink someday I sure hope we can find a way to save a piece of the wall so it can be put on display,” Watson said.  “It is good for people to stay in touch with the past.  Smells have a powerful way of bringing back memories and emotions.  We shouldn’t lose that.”

 

Notice to readers/disclaimer – click here to read the full disclosure and find links to even more legal rhetoric on the fictional, fanciful and satirical nature of this story and website.  That means this story is not real.  Gladstone is real.  The Gladstone rink is real.  However, the rest of the story is made up.  Although there have been real rumours of an odour in the male washroom this website does not imply or believe that Gladstone smells anything but wonderful, even in the rink.

Photo credit – Don Zak’s Soil Lab University of Michigan

 

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Local Man Wins Internet “Webby” Award For Clicking Over 1 Million Things

Gladstone, MB –

Internet novice George MacGregor of Gladstone Manitoba has done something his tech savvy kids and grandchildren have only dreamt off.

MacGregor is the only Manitoban to win a Webby Award in the history of the famous web award program.

At a recent ceremony in San Francisco, MacGregor won the 2017 Most Active Browser Award and is now “King of the Clicks”.

In the previous calendar year, MacGregor clicked on 400,000 display ads, 300,000 pop-up ads, and 750,000 random links and opened 150,000 spam emails, including their embedded links.  Once, in April, the man set a new internet world-record by having over 15,000 windows open on his computer before it crashed and his son had to come help get it re-booted.

“Dad loves the internet but he has no idea how it really works,” Steve MacGregor said.  “He’s naturally curious and thinks everything he reads is real so he just keeps clicking.  We had no idea there was an award for that but he’s pretty proud he won.”

George MacGregor admits he never heard of the Webby Awards before his nomination but is thrilled to receive the attention and major award.

“It was like the Academy Awards,” George MacGregor shared.  “Fancy ballroom, everyone dressed up I was like an adult movie star.”

The Gladstone man tips his hat to his son and grandkids for helping him get on-line.

“They got me a computer so I could get the weather anytime I wanted and the baseball scores,” MacGregor said.  “When I got started I didn’t know what the heck a mouse was let alone how to use it.  They told me not to be scared of clicking on things so I just kept doing that.”

While the cost to constantly rid his computer of viruses and malware has added up the hours of entertainment have been worth it.

“Dad is pretty much on it all day long,” his son explained.  “He yells at mom every few minutes when he finds something he thinks is interesting.”

“I never realized so many people around the world wanted to help enlarge my penis, find me a wife, send me free money,” MacGregor said.  “I have 20,000 Facebook friends who I didn’t even know two years ago.  A lot of them are very attractive young ladies to boot,” he added with a wink.

“It’s kind of funny to think he’s got an internet world-record and is a bit of web phenom now,” Steve MacGregor said.

MacGregor’s current Facebook photo shows him wearing a t-shirt with “Fear No Link” in bold letters on the front.

“I’m not afraid of nothing,” he said.  “If I want to click on something I just do it.  Life is too short to worry about viruses and stuff.  I don’t even really know what they do.  If my computer stops I just call my son and he gets it going.”

MacGregor plans on topping his click volume this year saying he is already tracking 60% ahead of his award-winning totals.

“There was an old bag from Kansas City who was nominated too.  I’m not going to let that old bitty beat me.”

MacGregor is still waiting for his $50 Tim Card to arrive in the mail along with his new R.V. and WestJet flight.

Notice to readers/disclaimer.  Click here to read about the fictional and satirical nature of this story and website.  

Photo: James Jones – https://www.flickr.com/photos/puggles/