Grandma's recipe turns out to be a copy.

Google Search Reveals Grandma’s “Secret” Family Recipe A Fraud – Family Devastated

PORTAGE LA PRAIRIE, MB –

Grandma Watson was the keeper of several “secret” recipes she claimed had been in her family for generations but when the 94-year-old passed away last month the truth was exposed and her family was devastated.

“I wanted to make Nana’s Christmas gingerbread cookies but couldn’t read my copy of her hand-written recipe,” Kaylee Watson said.  “I tried googling gingerbread cookies and I found almost the same recipe online.”

At first Watson thought her family’s sercret was stolen but with a few more clicks she discovered the shocking truth.

“I found most of her recipes with different names,” Watson explained.  “Most came from the Betty Crocker cook book from the 60’s.”

The Watson grandchildren were shocked to find there was no internet or smart phones back in the 1960’s that would allow their grandmother to easily copy the recipes.

“Nana was really frugal so I guess she would have just copied the recipes onto a piece of paper,” Liam Watson offered.  “Her writing is almost impossible to read.  It is so curvy and round I can only make out half of the letters.”

The Watson grandchildren find Emma Watson’s cursive writing impressive but virtually indiscernible.

“I had to get mom to translate most of the recipes,” Kaylee Watson shared.  “I have no idea how she drew letters like that.  It’s pretty but very hard to read.”

The family is left to speculate why their mother and grandmother passed off the recipes as a family secret for all those years.

“Mom was an excellent cook and a master baker,” Karen Watson said.  “She always received compliments for her baking.  I think it added to the mystique with her telling everyone the recipes were family secrets.”

A culinary expert, Kari Grace from Red River College says she hears from a lot of families wrestling with the same issue.

“The reality is that practically nobody in that era had the skill and expertise to create recipes from scratch.  Most ‘family’ recipes are just copies or modifications of recipes found in cook books and magazines from the era,” Grace said.

Faced with the truth their grandmother was hiding a dark secret for so many years, the Watson family is unsure how they will continue the family baking traditions.

“I don’t know if I can ever experience Christmas the same knowing Nana’s Gingerbread Christmas Cookies wasn’t really hers,” Kaylee Watson said.  “All those memories of us leaving them out with a cup of milk for Santa are tainted.  I sometimes wonder what else she lied to us about.”

Notice to reader/disclaimer – click here to read about the satirical and fictional reality of this story and website.  That means this story is not real.  It is imaginary, like CIPP-TV and most of my friends and some of yours.  Please read and share and participate in the joke by playing along but do not try to fool people into thinking this is real.  That is not nice and people will grow to resent you if you do that very often.

 

Photo Credit: Red Raliegh

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Drake’s Hit Song “Hotline Bling” Proves He’s A Fraud & Not Culturally Relevant

Toronto, ON – 

We’ve all said it or sang it, even if we didn’t know where it was from.  “You used to call me on my cell phone”, has been part of our lives since Drake droned it out in 2015, but we are now realizing how unhip and out of touch the song is.

“Often culture gets caught up in the hype and misses the truth,” Professor of Modern Anthropology Antonio Robeiro said.  “With this song, no one stopped to think it through.  If I would have  said that line my students would have rolled their eyes.”

The self-proclaimed, hippest man in Canada, failed to realize people under 30 do not use their phones to call anyone.  Millennials, certainly the cool ones, would never use their cell phone as a phone.

“Youth culture, especially those listening to rap and hip hop, don’t associate the smart phone with phone calls,” Robeiro said.  “They are communication devices but not something you talk to another human with.

Drake would have been more true to the culture he’s trying to reflect if he would have said, “You used to text me, You used to FaceTime me, You used to Snapchat me, You used to Insta me, and even You used to tweet me, although fewer millennials are doing that, would have been more relevant and relatable.

“I don’t think we should be too hard on Drake,” Robeiro offered.  “He’s just a good Canadian kid who started at the bottom.  It’s not possible for everyone to get it right all the time.  He made a mistake, hopefully he’ll learn from it.”

While Robeiro is able to be gracious, it will be interesting to see how fans around the planet react after they realize the unfortunate error.

It has been reported dozens of fans in Newfoundland and Manitoba have gathered to burn Drake clothing and concert memorabilia.  Fortunately for Drake, neither of these provinces are home to more than a hundred fans total.

Notice to readers/disclaimer – click here to read about why and how this story is fictional and attempting to be satire.  That means the story and the site are not real.  You are real.  Or are you?  It’s not for us to say.

Photo: Amber – https://www.flickr.com/photos/bandfan/

Portage Man Busted Using Fake ID at Costco

Portage la Prairie, MB – 

It is the case of the free snack that went wrong for Portager Bailey Berry, who was caught at a Winnipeg Costco using a fake I.D.  He stands accused of identity theft Thursday afternoon, fraud and solicitation.

According to reports, the young man was attempting to enter the Costco on St. James Street using an expired membership card issued to his uncle Peter Neufeld when staff noticed the attempted fraud and called authorities.

“I come to ‘Peg city a few times a week for work,” Bailey Berry explained.  “If I’m by the Costco at lunch I use my uncle’s card to get in for the free samples.  I guess this time they actually looked at the picture.”

Berry has been accessing various Costcos over the period of about five years, eating samples, checking out the new deals and occasionally buying food from the in-store restaurant.

“If they don’t have many samples I just go and get one of the cheap hot dogs,” Berry said.  “You can enjoy those dogs all day too.  Every time you burp, they come back up a bit.  I never try and buy anything because they will check the photo then for sure, eh.”

The initial charges of identity theft were dropped as Berry’s uncle Peter Neufeld confirmed he willingly gave Berry his old card to access the Costco illegally for free-samples.  “I was proud of Bailey,” Neufeld said.  “He’s half Mennonite you know.  It’s just part of his culture to want to get a good deal and eat as cheap as he can.”

In lieu of a fine, Berry has committed to buying his own membership, limiting himself to one sample per visit and purchasing the sampled products he likes.

According to corporate officials, this is a growing problem with residents of Portage la Prairie, Stonewall and Steinbach.  They blame the close proximately to these centres known for their high concentrations of thrifty residents.

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Photo: Panegyrics of Granovetter : https://www.flickr.com/photos/sarah_c_murray/