fiction

Portage la Prairie Retroactively Bans Mullets

Portage la Prairie, MB – To improve the moral fibre of its citizens, Portage la Prairie is retroactively banning the hairstyle commonly referred to as the mullet. “We conducted a study and hired an overpriced consultant to tell us what we already suspected. Those who wore mullets in the 80’s and early 90’s [...]

Woman Horrified After Boss Finishes Her Half-Eaten Bagel During Meeting

Boss eats employees half finished bagel during meeting

PORTAGE la PRAIRIE, MB- Tamara Wright thought she had seen pretty much every thing from her boss, but when she witnessed him grab her partially eaten bagel and stuff it in his mouth, she was dumfounded. “I’ve seen him do a lot of strange things over the years but this move was off the charts,” Wright said. [...]

Patrik Laine Visits With Amish Fans Of Lancaster Pennsylvania But Won’t Join Due To Lack Of Wi-Fi

Patrik Laine rollerblades in Amish country

PHILADELPHIA, PA – The beard is weird, but it has gained notoriety and popularity as the Finnisher, Patrik Laine piles up the goals this NHL season. During the current Winnipeg Jets road trip, Laine decided to strap on some rollerblades and visit the Amish farms around Lancaster Pennsylvania after being invited [...]

Amish & Mennonite Fans Clog Highways Travelling To Philadelphia To See Patrik Laine

Amish and Mennonite fans go to see Patrik Laine play with the Jets in Philadelphia against the Flyers

LANCASTER, PA – The most popular hockey player among Pennsylvania Dutch, Amish and Mennonite fans from the Lancaster area is playing in Philadelphia and highways are clogged with horse and buggies full of fans slowly making their way to the game. Pennsylvania Highway 30 will be most affected by the increased [...]

Local Man Proud Of Ability To Call BS On Stories From Satire Sites

Man is proud of ability to know when satire stories are full of BS

PORTAGE la PRAIRIE, MB – Larry Houle has quite the nose for BS and he is not afraid to tell you about it. The 45-year-old Portager has gained notoriety in coffee shop circles and on social media for calling out false news. “I don’t like it when people get tricked with all the misinformation out there,” [...]

Underground Dealer Found With Over 500 Souls On Portage Property

Soul gatherer in Portage la Prairie buys and sells souls

PORTAGE la PRAIRIE, MB – A secret, underground soul dealer operating in and around Portage la Prairie was found in possession of the spirits of over 500 people during a recent C.I.P.P.-TV Channel 116 investigation. MBN News reported Portager, Aaron MacDonald, sold his soul online to a man known only as [...]

Man Strips While Blowing Snow

Portage la Prairie, MB – A local man took extreme measures to win a snow blowing competition by stripping down to his boots and shorts. For years, Alvin Cunningham and Gilbert Fast have been trying to out do the other with their snowblowers. “I was the first on the street with a snowblower so I would do the [...]

Manitobans Who Made It To Work Waste Most Of The Day Talking About The Snow

Colorado Low brings heavy snowfall to Manitoba and a drop in productivity

WINNIPEG, MB – Productivity across Manitoba may have hit an all-time low with today’s heavy snowfall, but people not getting to work isn’t the culprit. Most businesses report 70-75% attendance, but it seems those people who have made it to work are doing nothing more than talking about all the [...]

Woman Becomes Her Best Self But Disappointed With Results

Woman becomes her best self but disappointed with the best version of herself

PORTAGE la PRAIRIE, MB – Inspired by a book store marketing sign in December last year, Liz Thiessen made a New Year’s resolution to become her best self. She bought the gym membership, workout clothes, self-help books and scheduled bi-weekly counselling sessions. By late February, two months of intense [...]

Hockey Fan Kicked Out Of Foot Locker For Abusing Referees

Hockey dad gets banned from Foot Locker for abuse of officials

WINNIPEG, MB – A Portage la Prairie hockey dad was planning on picking up a pair of shoes at the mall during a break in a weekend tournament but he left with a misconduct and an ejection. Steve Sapinski, entered the Foot Locker in Polo Park searching for a new pair of running shoes when he found trouble. [...]