Hockey fans make players better by yelling at them

Winnipeg Fans’ Yelling, Opinions & Knowledge Help Jets Win

Winnipeg, MB –

It turns out yelling at your favourite team can make them play better.  At least, the Winnipeg Jets are admitting comments and advice offered by fans has made a huge difference for them this year.

“We don’t like to admit it but all that yelling during games and opinions on call in shows and social media really help the us play better,” team player spokesperson Evan Watson said.

Jet players admit that hearing fans yell “shoot”, “hit ‘em”, “pass the puck” and “skate” allow them make immediate improvements to their game allowing them to post an excellent record this year.

“I had no idea how good my shot was until I heard a fan tell me to shoot the puck during my first game as a Jet,” Patrik Laine shared.

“Before I came to Winnipeg I didn’t know I had to skate hard,” Blake Wheeler said.  “Thanks to the fans I’m no longer slow and ineffective.”

Jets defenceman, Dustin Byfuglien noted the fans improved his game.  “I knew I was bigger than most of the guys on the ice but before I heard a Winnipeg fan yell at me to hit, I had no idea I was good at it.  Now most teams are afraid of me.”

The Jets site in-game advice as the biggest difference in their play but also credit radio call-in comments and opinions shared on social media as big helps in making the team better.

“Chevy and Paul spend many hours a day sorting through all the suggestions and advice,” Watson said.  “Without them, I’m not sure where we would be today.”

“I’ve had great coaching and played at the highest level possible most of my life but it is amazing how much more the fans know than us,” Mark Scheifele said.  “I mean we play hockey for a living and a guy with three games of junior B, thirty years ago knows more than our head coach.  I’m not sure where we would be if they kept all that knowledge to themselves.”

“I listen to every call-in show and read all the social media feeds and I am humbled by the hockey wisdom out there,” Head Coach Paul Maurice said.  “I’m glad most of these people were too busy to put in an application when they hired me as head coach.  I know Mark Chipman could replace me tomorrow with any number of these folks.”

“Well, it is incredible when you hear a person comment after watching the play once or seeing the highlights with such insight,” Kevin Cheveldayoff explained.  “We watch hours of video from several camera angles and completely miss what some random fan picks up on.  I only wish I could notice things that quickly.”

Jets’ ownership and management are also thankful for the direction from the fans.  “I had no idea how to run a hockey team until the fans started sharing with me,” owner Mark Chipman said.  “To be honest I didn’t know much about running a business either.  If it weren’t for the constant and consistent comments from fans, I wouldn’t be where I am today.  I’m truly grateful.”

Notice to readers/disclaimer – click here to read more about the satirical and fictional nature of this story and website.  While the Winnipeg Jets and the members of the organization mentioned are real, they are used in a fictional way to create a satirical piece of fiction.  That means this story is not real.  Please read and share responsibly.  If you thought this was real, well, perhaps you should seek out some professional help immediately.

Photo Credit: S S

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Portage Confused & Upset By Controversial Satire Site

Portage la Prairie, MB –

The website for the imaginary CIPP-TV Channel 116 launched to great fanfare and critical acclaim this summer but Portagers have become concerned about the satirical local media outlet.

With a blend of fictional and fabricated stories, about make-believe characters, CIPP-TV has provided a constant source of satire and, at times, humour set in the Portage la Prairie area.  Reactions from local viewers are mixed.

“I thought a couple of the stories were kind of funny,” Joan Bedford said.  “I didn’t realize they were made up until my sister commented on my Facebook page after I shared the story about Trudeau smoking weed.”

“You mean it’s not a real TV station?” Quincy Rhodes asked when informed of the fictional nature of CIPP-TV.  “I thought everything I read on Facebook is real.  So the story about the trees with genitals is made up?”

“I just about wet myself everyday.  The best comedy has a lot of truth in it,” Betty Snow said.  “Portage is this wonderful, quirky place with a lot to offer and a lot to laugh at.  I love the idea to convert the mall into a 80’s retail museum.

While some locals have found comfort and pleasure in the satirical style of humour, others seem disturbed.

“The people writing this stuff should be embarrassed,” Brian Milton offered.  “It’s juvenile crap.  I don’t get why you’d want to make up stories about Portage and put them on a website like the survey on how Portagers make love 15 times a week.  I can barely stand reading their daily posts.”

“Some of it seems real, like the bikini lady on Crescent Lake,” Owen Gabranski said.  “It’s not right to make fun of things around here.  Why would anyone want to make fun of us and this place?”

Many Portagers have mixed emotions about the new website and its subject matter.

“I liked the site for the first month or so, and then they poked fun of a few things close to me like the woman who gave birth at the Keith Urban concert,” Sherry Blackburn shared.  “These fictional stories were hurting the real feelings of actual people.  I think the people running this site are cowards.  If they want to make fun of something they shouldn’t hide behind pen names and satire, they should do it in real life.”

“Portage is a funny place,” Vern Fritz said.  “I don’t think the website does justice to how hilarious this town can be.  I don’t think fiction could ever capture the absurdity of this place.  I could see the splashing at Splash Island being banned.

The fanciful owner of the imaginary television station CIPP-TV pushed back at the criticism.

“I’ve received complaints from real Portagers who are upset about our satire.  I truly underestimated Portage’s ability to handle fictional criticism,” CIPP-TV Owner Ryan Coke explained.  “There is freedom that comes with being imaginary that allows us to cover topics other media outlets can’t or won’t.”

“We like it when people are entertained by our satire but we love it when it motivates a response from them,” Coke added.  “We think fiction can help contribute to the open dialogue and varied perspective we need in Portage.”

While the owner of the imaginary TV station claims to have good and noble intentions, some Portagers are still mad.

“They aren’t funny,” Blackburn added.  “We don’t allow the real media to criticize, ask questions or make fun of the town and authorities, why should we let a fake TV station away with it?  Maybe if CIPP-TV lost it’s advertisers they’d be held accountable.”

Station owner, Ryan Coke, is not concerned with an advertiser backlash.

“I know that reality based media outlets have to bow to sponsor pressure but we are imaginary.  Since we generate most of our imaginary income from fictitious advertisers, we should be able to endure a handful of Portagers who take an exception to our humour.”

“We’ve already fired our imaginary News Director to try to placate locals who were upset about her left-leaning take on things,” Coke said.  “I guess we could fire some more imaginary people.  It’ll only cost us imaginary severance anyway.”

Notice to readers – if you didn’t get the joke of this story and website please click here to read more about the fictional and satirical nature of this.  Feel free to comment on the story and have some fun with us.  If you are offended by what we do – please choose not to consume it.  How about you respect our fictional opinion, even if you disagree, and we’ll respect your real or imaginary opinion.

Photo: Joe Goldberg – https://www.flickr.com/photos/goldberg/