Shart Week On CIPP-TV Portage la Prairie

Portage la Prairie, MB – 

Too afraid of sharts to go into the water?

The City of Portage la Prairie and local, hit TV station CIPP-TV are teaming up to present a week-long marathon of programming documenting a frightening phenomenon, the shart.

2873215984_c1de83b174_bPrevalent in the region, sharts are a terrifying and all too common problem for Portagers.  Media juggernaut, CIPP-TV and the City of Portage are hoping to exploit this regional problem for ratings and tourism gains.

Production crews have been working for months to create a week’s worth of programming dedicated to telling the story of the shart.

Often misunderstood and feared, the shart first appeared thousands of years ago and has evolved and thrived in the Central Plains area.  Although they should be respected the reality is you are more likely to be seriously harmed by a mosquito than a shart.

520604226_9308d37efe_bHere is a list of these can’t miss episodes airing this week.

  • “Shart Lair” – see where sharts live.
  • “Sharts of Darkness” – some say they are a mere myth while others believe the largest and most impressive sharts live hidden in the dark and only come out at night while we sleep.
  • “Don’t go into the water” – a Portage man tells of his ill-timed shart incident and fouling of local pool.
  • “Shart Attack” – a collection of Portage’s most alarming shart encounters resulting in injury.
  • “Deuces are Wild” – sharts in the wild are caught in their natural habitat.
  • “Shart Body Language” – what does the physical makeup of a shart tell us.
  • “Sharts – Predators or Prey?” – while some sharts hunt others are eaten.
  • “Sharts of Different Colours” – sharts come in a rainbow of colours that can tell us a lot about the shart and the sharter.
  • “Sharts – Maneater of Myth” – what is real and what is legend in the world of sharts.
  • “Sharts of Crescent Lake” – sharts that lurk in and around Portage’s lake.
  • “Great Shart Hunt” – go along with some of the best shart collectors.
  • “Great White Sharts” – albino sharts are the most dangerous but thankfully the most rare.  Discover what you have to eat to get white sharts and what underlying health problems are at work.
  • “Shart Cage” – camer crews get up close and personal with a variety of sharts.
  • “Sharts of the Red Triangle” – where is the Red Triangle and how does it make sharts more aggressive.
  • “Blood in the Water” – when the shart hits the fan and messes with hemorrhoids.

Tune in 7pm-10pm all week-long on CIPP-TV Channel 116.

Notice to reader/disclaimer – this site and story are fictional – that means it’s not real.  You are real, well at least we think you are real but what you are reading is not.  Wait a minute, does that mean because you just read this you are fictional as well?  Hold on, I’m confused.

Headline Photo: Gui Siez – https://www.flickr.com/photos/guiseiz/

Body Photo: Kingdom For A Donkey – https://www.flickr.com/photos/akingdomforadonkey/

Body Photo 2: Brendan Gray – https://www.flickr.com/photos/grayskull/

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New TV Station Launches “Show Us Your PP” Contest

showupcippsign1Portage la Prairie, MB –

Show us you PP and win a trip for 2 to Las Vegas!  Starting July 1 all CIPP-TV Channel 116 viewers have to do is make a sign showing the world your support of Portage la Prairie’s newest television station.

Make a sign with the CIPP-TV call letters and show it to the world.  If we see it or share a photo of it live on MBN News@6 and MBN News@11, you’ll be entered for a chance to win the trip to Las Vegas.  The bigger and bolder your PP is the better your chance is of winning.

PP spotters will be roving around Portage la Prairie and southern Manitoba in unmarked white vans handing out instant prizes to everyone showing off their PP and entering viewers for the grand prize.

Winning has never been easier.  Just put your PP on display in your car, in your window, on your lawn, at work or wherever you hang out, if we see your PP you could be a big winner!

photo couple holding sign(modified): Takver: https://www.flickr.com/photos/takver/

Disclaimer.

News Anchor Feels Superior to Production Crew

Portage la Prairie, MB –

CIPP-TV Channel 116 has a morale problem.  MBN News anchor, Jack Hoffman(click here to read his profile), has alienated himself from the production crew by refusing to hang out with anyone other than station executives and other anchors.

A 30-year veteran, most recently from the prestigious market of Truro, Nova Scotia, has been out on the town with station owner, Ryan Coke and his wife Wonnita, Sales Manager, Robin Banks and Sports Director Marshall Law but has rebuffed overtures from the technical team to go out for a brewsky.

Hoffman decline to comment on the allegations but he did say in passing that he didn’t move to Portage la Prairie to hang out with a bunch of former French-fry factory workers.

Initial excitement and anticipation among staff members about the launch of the new station has turned to backstabbing and gossip.  Production team members vow to get back at Hoffman passive aggressively, by causing embarrassing errors on the live newscasts.

Owner, Ryan Coke, responded to the retaliation threats.  “I really don’t care what they do.  If they can’t work it out and we can’t have business as usual then f#@% them,” Coke said.  “Nobody will see it cause the ratings for our news cast will absolutely suck.  We’re only doing news to make the CRTC happy.”

Since this website is administered by those aligned with the production crew, it will provide further stories and updates that will report on what an a$$hole Jack Hoffman is.

 

Photo: John Benson: https://www.flickr.com/photos/j_benson/

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Major Co-Production: “Cosby, Bachelor In Paradise” Shooting at Delta Beach.

Portage la Prairie, MB – 

CIPP-TV has landed it’s first major co-production by giving new life to two troubled television franchises.  Due to recent legal troubles, former sit-com icon, Bill Cosby’s latest project, The New Cosby Show, will not be able to be produced in the U.S.A. and is on permanent hiatus.  The Bachelor in Paradise is also looking for a new home after it’s most recent sex scandal shelved production in Mexico.

Both production companies decided to join forces for a new reality show that combines Bill Cosby uncensored, with reality TV’s most scandalous franchise The Bachelor in Paradise.  Cosby will be type-cast as the eldest member of the cast looking for love, marriage and random, drunken hook-ups in the revamped show.

Cosby will abandon his scripted and stand-up persona for a fresh, honest, slimy and at times creepy elderly sexual predator role to better fit the Bachelor cast.  Producers plan on leveraging Cosby’s notoriety and the Bachelor in Paradise’s sleazy reputation for maximum promotional value.

The new series will begin principal photography in mid July at a cabin-resort on Delta Beach just north of Portage la Prairie.  The long hot days of the Manitoba summer and stunning scenery will combine for some steamy episodes to be ready to air in the fall of 2017 on CIPP-TV and Fox.

Provincial and federal tax credits will contribute more than fifty per cent of the production fund and allow high-end creative jobs to come back to Canada from the United States and Mexico.

Disclaimer.

Crescent Lake Path Woman in Bikini Top Has No Intentions of Swimming

Portage la Prairie, MB –

Only days before the Portage Ex a woman was seen strolling on the path next to Crescent Lake wearing shorts, flip-flops and a bikini top.  Several drivers on Crescent Road pulled over to see if the woman was going to swim in Crescent Lake to seek relief from recent high temperatures.

“There are a lot of leeches in that lake and she had a lot of exposed skin so I just wanted to see what would happen if she went in,” Portager Mikey Hunt said.

“We just pulled over to make sure she’d be okay if she went in the water,” Patrick Newman offered.  “If she wasn’t able to swim my friend Jimmy would have saved her.”  Jimmy Roberts is a certified lifeguard and was willing to lend a hand if the woman needed.  He refused to take his eyes off the woman long enough to give us a comment.

CIPP-TV Channel 116 camera crews asked the woman why she was next to a lake in a bikini top with no intentions of swimming.

“I just wanted to work on my tan,” she said.  “The Portage Ex is coming up and I wanted to be ready tan wise.”  The woman wouldn’t provide her full name but refers to herself as Meghan.

More on this story as it develops.

Disclaimer

Photo Credit: Brian Bilek : https://www.flickr.com/photos/khelvan/

New TV Station for Portage & Southern Manitoba to launch Canada Day.

CIPP-TV Channel 116 is putting together an unreal programming schedule that will have viewers tuning in to tune out – of reality.

Click here to see the upcoming programming schedule:  Programming Schedule.

Marshall Law: Sports Director

Sports Director:  Marshall Law.  Marshall is a former CFL player and is affectionately called “The Bone Head” by most of his friends.  After his successful playing career was cut short by concussion related symptoms, Marshall began doing sports radio.  He is thrilled to be moving to the bright lights of television, as long as they don’t give him headaches.  If the lights become a problem Marshall will be seen wearing sunglasses while doing his nightly sports round up.  Originally, a Hamilton boy, he feels adjusting to a small town will be easy after his time with the Regina Roughriders.

Click here to read all about MBN News@6 and News@11:  MBN News show description.