Patrik Laine rollerblades in Amish country

Patrik Laine Visits With Amish Fans Of Lancaster Pennsylvania But Won’t Join Due To Lack Of Wi-Fi

PHILADELPHIA, PA – 

The beard is weird, but it has gained notoriety and popularity as the Finnisher, Patrik Laine piles up the goals this NHL season.  During the current Winnipeg Jets road trip, Laine decided to strap on some rollerblades and visit the Amish farms around Lancaster Pennsylvania after being invited by local elders.

“We see Patrik as a role model for our young men,” Elder Isaac Stoltzfus said.  “Normally an Amish man would not grow a beard like Mr. Laine’s until after being wed, but we approve of Patrik’s beard.”

The Amish of Lancaster Pennsylvania are grateful Laine has made the Amish beard style trendy, relevant and more acceptable in the secular culture.

*Read About The Origins Of Patrik Laine’s Beard*

*Read About Patrik Laine’s Mom Part Of Trend To Care For Adult Children*

*Amish & Mennonite Fans Clog Highways Travelling To Philadelphia To See Patrik Laine

“We invited him to come spend the day with us and were excited he agreed,” Stoltzfus explained.  “We have several young women we’d like to introduce to Patrik as a possible wife for him.”

While in the Lancaster area, Laine strapped on the rollerblades and enjoyed the countryside to the delight of his Amish admirers.

“I’m not going to lie,” Laine said.  “I love all the beards and the Amish ladies are very cute but I don’t think I can accept their offer to join them.  I don’t mind the horse and buggy stuff but they don’t have Wi-Fi or electricity so I can’t play video games.  That is pretty much a deal breaker for me.”

Amish elders keen on seeing Laine join their flock said they would consider using electricity and the internet if it meant the Finnish hockey superstar would spend his summers among them.

“If Patrik found an agreeable Amish woman to be his wife we could see about adding electricity and Wi-Fi so he could join us,” Stoltzfus said.  “We don’t normally add worldly things like that to our farms but Patrik is special so we might consider it.”

Nikolaj Ehlers, Laine’s best friend on the Winnipeg Jets, was also invited to tag along.  Amish elders feel he has potential for Amish membership if he would embrace his beard more enthusiastically.

“Nik has a lot of appeal among the Amish ladies as well.  He might catch up to Patrik if he would let his beard grow longer,” Stoltzfus said.

Ehlers and Laine both enjoyed their time among their growing base of Amish fans and promised to visit them again.  Neither would comment on whether they found a suitable partner among the group of Amish women they met.

Notice to readers/disclaimer – click here for the full disclosure of the true reality of this story and website.  Spoiler alert!  They are not real.  They are fictional, satirical and silly.  This is an entertainment website.  CIPP-TV is not a real TV station it is just a satirical website that is occasionally funny and seldom hilarious.  This is not fake news because it is pretty darn obvious none of this is real.  Still there are those out there who will not take the time to see the word satire in our tag line or read to the bottom of the story.  Still, there are others who cannot comprehend the words on this and other similar pages.  In our opinion those people should be banned from the internet and avoided in life.  Unless, you are assisting them improve their literacy.  Thoughts and prayers.

Photo Credit – Darcy Johnson

Amish and Mennonite fans go to see Patrik Laine play with the Jets in Philadelphia against the Flyers

Amish & Mennonite Fans Clog Highways Travelling To Philadelphia To See Patrik Laine

LANCASTER, PA – 

The most popular hockey player among Pennsylvania Dutch, Amish and Mennonite fans from the Lancaster area is playing in Philadelphia and highways are clogged with horse and buggies full of fans slowly making their way to the game.  Pennsylvania Highway 30 will be most affected by the increased traffic.

“We are cautioning regular motorists to be aware of delays and to avoid the area until this caravan of Patrik Laine fans make it to Philadelphia,” Highway Patrol Officer, John Wood warned.  “We’ve never seen this big of an Amish migration at one time before.”

Wells Fargo Centre will be a sea of black hats and white bonnets.  Amish and Mennonite fans from as far away as Lancaster and Harrisburg staring snapping up tickets last month. Demand became so high scalper could charge up to $1,500 per ticket to Saturday’s NHL game between the Winnipeg Jets and Philadelphia Flyers.  Many of the ticket buyers are opting to trade vast amounts of baked goods, blankets, quilts, eggs, live poultry and some pigs for tickets.

Normally after market tickets are sold online or near the rink but for this game, sellers are setting up roadside stands to exchange their seats for a variety of Amish and Mennonite goods.

After Patrik Laine scored a hat trick in New York a few days ago, many Amish men are hopeful they will be able to toss their iconic black hat onto the ice when they see their hero live in person.

“We have to go into town to watch the Jets games,” Jacob Beiler from Lancaster said.  “We love Patrik Laine.  The young single women adore his beard.  In many ways he has made all Amish men more desirable.”

*Patrik Laine’s Cousin Explains Reason Behind Mennonite Beard

*Stats Show Patrik Laine’s Mom Part Of Growing Trend Of Mothers Driving Adult Children Around

*Patrik Laine Visits With Amish Fans Of Lancaster Pennsylvania But Won’t Join Due To Lack Of Wi-Fi

To many Amish and Mennonite fans from Pennsylvania, the fact Winnipeg has embraced the beard wielding Finn, has them interested in re-locating to the Manitoba capital.

“Winnipeg must be some kind of wonderful place if an Amish looking kid like Patrik can be considered a hero,” Beiler said.  “Perhaps they would embrace us the same way.”

Before a mass migration begins, the Laine fans from Pennsylvania will enjoy seeing their favorite hockey player take on the home team.

Flyer team officials are scrambling to secure enough straw and hay to the wave of horses and buggies heading their way.

Notice to readers/disclaimer – click here for the full disclosure of the true reality of this story and website.  Spoiler alert!  They are not real.  They are fictional, satirical and silly.  This is an entertainment website.  CIPP-TV is not a real TV station it is just a satirical website that is occasionally funny and seldom hilarious.  This is not fake news because it is pretty darn obvious none of this is real.  Still there are those out there who will not take the time to see the word satire in our tag line or read to the bottom of the story.  Still, there are others who cannot comprehend the words on this and other similar pages.  In our opinion those people should be banned from the internet and avoided in life.  Unless, you are assisting them improve their literacy.  Thoughts and prayers.

Photo Credit: Bob M