Stories

Trudeau To Celebrate Marijuana Legalization By Taking A Rip From St. Claude’s Giant Pipe Oct. 17

August 15, 2018 // 2 Comments

St. Claude, MB – Prime Minister Justin Trudeau is kicking off the legalization of marijuana in a big way. Trudeau is opting to celebrate in St. Claude Manitoba rather than Ottawa with a special afternoon ceremony at 4:20pm local time. “There is no more fitting place to mark this historic moment,” Prime Minister [...]

Farmers Upset Festival Rock Act “Whole Lotta Angus” Was AC/DC Tribute & Not A Cattle Show

August 11, 2018 // 0 Comments

Portage la Prairie, MB – It was hard to tell who was more surprised, the band or the audience. The Portage Potato Festival, headline act, “Whole Lotta Angus”, hit the stage to a crowd full of John Deere hats, denim jeans and over sized belt buckles screaming, “Where’s the beef?” Heavily promoted in the [...]

Local Senior Frustrated By Lack of Funeral Announcements On Local Radio Station Launches Formal Complaint

August 8, 2018 // 0 Comments

Lack of funeral announcements frustrate local senior Udo Dirkschneider

PORTAGE la PRAIRIE, MB – Every morning for 20 years, Udo Dirkschneider brews a cup of coffee, makes some toast and sits at his kitchen table at 8:45 am to listen to the funeral announcements on CIPP 980 AM, but lately he has grown frustrated with the radio station. “Four days in a row for each of the last two [...]

Parents Can Now Only Dream About Having Their Teen’s Lifestyle & Spending Power

August 6, 2018 // 0 Comments

Parents can no longer enjoy the same lifestyle and ability to spend as their children

PORTAGE la PRAIRIE, MB – Forget the Jones’, moms and dads are finding it harder to keep up with the kid’s lifestyles than ever before according to new government stats. 7 out of 10 parents, or 70% of adults with children can no longer afford the lifestyle their kids enjoy. “We found that the [...]

Congregation Stressed As Church Service Runs Late: Band Can’t Find Ending of Song

August 5, 2018 // 0 Comments

The Portage Church had members of its congregation experience time related anxiety

Portage la Prairie, MB – Worshippers at The Portage Church experienced hunger pains and time-related anxiety when their Sunday service didn’t end until 12:30pm on Sunday morning. With about five minutes left in the hour-long service, the worship band took the stage for the final number. That would normally be [...]

Portage May Lose Potato Festival As Manitoba Towns Fight Over World’s Sexiest Vegetable

August 3, 2018 // 0 Comments

Portage potato festival on the rocks due to protests

Portage la Prairie, MB – Potatoes are sexy and they know it, and it seems everyone wants in on the action. For years, Portage la Prairie has been the home of the Potato Festival but neighbouring communities are mounting a legal challenge to change that. The battle for the tuber has never been greater as [...]

Man Grows Sympathy Belly During Wife’s Pregnancy

August 2, 2018 // 0 Comments

Husband grows his belly to support his wife during pregnancy

Portage la Prairie, MB – A local, devoted husband is giving up his slender, fit physique for the sake of his pregnant wife. Todd Saunders, 33, is taking empathy to a whole new level as he is allowing his body to change along with his wife who is 6 months pregnant with the couples first child. “We call it my [...]

Man Finishes Reading The Entire Internet On Company Time In Just 8 Years

July 31, 2018 // 0 Comments

Portage man wastes time at work by reading the entire internet

PORTAGE la PRAIRIE, MB – Jordan Miller started by just checking his Facebook and Twitter accounts during coffee and lunch breaks but after scaling up the amount of time he wasted time online, he has finally achieved his goal. Miller has finished reading the entire internet and is now at a crossroads. “I [...]

Study Reveals Why Kids Throw Tantrums & Leads To Demands For Government Help To Meet Children’s Every Whim

July 30, 2018 // 0 Comments

Study reveals why kids have tantrums. Parents need more help.

PORTAGE la PRAIRIE, MB – Experts discovered the reason why a growing number of small children throw temper tantrums, have hissy fits and meltdowns, especially in public. The shocking new study reveals the wild, annoying and loud behaviour works on most adults. “Over the last twenty years we have seen an increase [...]

Taking A Knee During Anthems Could Help End Osgood-Schlatter Disease

July 29, 2018 // 0 Comments

Osgood-Schlatter survivors get help with two new initiatives, Run for the Cure and Take A Knee campaign.

PORTAGE la PRAIRIE, MB – It is a disease that strikes mostly young men in their athletic prime and if mayoral candidate, Ryan Coke, is elected it will be eliminated. “Osgood-Schlatter is a terrible disease that has shattered many young Portage athlete’s dreams,” Ryan Coke said at a glitzy press conference at [...]

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Portage la Prairie's Fictional Satire Station