PORTAGE la PRAIRIE, MB –
Promotions producer, Karen Melman was caught sleeping during work hours on the sofa behind the news set in Studio A.
“We can’t believe she would put her face on that thing,” Promotions Manager Tess Teckle said. “Everybody knows what’s gone down on that dirty old sofa. Yuck!”
Melman will only receive a verbal warning for her transgression and blames her lapse in judgement on long hours and a sick cat.
“Tess has really been driving us hard to get the new station image campaign done,” Melman explained. “I’ve been working sixteen hours a day and when I get home I have to deal with my sick cat. I was just really tired.”
The sofa in question is located just behind the news set and has been the location of three known conceptions and an unknown number of romantic rendezvous. It is believed, Station Manager and owner, Ryan Coke’s first child was conceived on the sofa as well as two other current employee’s children.
“It was left over from a fundraising auction so we just pushed it back there (behind the news set),” Operations Manger, Seth Poole offered. “There’s been a couple times some of the day staff have gotten too rowdy on it during the live news and we had to shut them down.”
Station Health and Safety representatives were notified and indicate the sofa has tested positive for several live pathogens and several STI’s.
“Karen has been sent for blood work and she hopes to hear next week if everything is clear,” Teckle shared. “It’s not something I’d want to go through just for the sake of having a nap.”
Most employees at CIPP-TV will sleep in their cars or at their desks when they are feeling tired or hungover.
“We have a lot of places to nod off around here. Karen picked a bad spot. It could have been worse,” Poole said. “I know her cat is getting sick all over her house but she needs to find a safe place to sleep. That sofa is no place for a nice girl like that.”
The Employee Advisory Committee has taken concerns about the sofa to the Union who suggested the removal of the sofa from the building. Station management has not agreed to remove the sofa, sighting how important it is to morale and their love life.
Melman has developed open sores on her right cheek and is considering euthanizing her cat.
Photo Credit – Travis Swicegood
Notice to readers – click here to read the full disclaimer and legal notices. This story is fictional and satirical as is the website in its entirety. Humour is not for everyone, please use responsibly. Fictional means made up, not real while satirical implies funny but this is not always the case. Warning, not all the stories on this website are funny to all viewers. Every attempt has been made to achieve a laugh or happy grunt but these attempts are not always successful. Please continue to return to this website daily to find our latest stab at tickling you where it makes you chuckle. Tell your friends about us but please do not share with your mother. Please follow all the advice of the Canada Food Guide and always wear a condom. Help a friend, walk a dog, pet a cat and talk to a bird. Your mother is afraid of us. You were warned. Obey the rules of the road and do not light fires