PORTAGE la Prairie, MB –
Bad habits are hard to break. CIPP-TV Channel 116 Master Control Operator, Gary Pazmandy is having a devil of a time suppressing the urge to sniff his fingers.
Pazmandy started out taking the odd whiff of his hands after consuming a flavourful meal so he could savour the scent but the act has taken on a disturbing regularity.
“I’ve seen him smelling his fingers walking out of the bathroom,” Creative Services Manager, Randy Love said. “Not just his left hand either, but both hands. And its not just a little sniff it’s a really long inhale.”
Fellow employees of the imaginary and fictional television station have filed formal complaints along with mentioning his odd habit in idle chit-chat and lunch room gossip sessions.
“Gary gets this twisted smile every time he does it,” Gerry Atrick offered. “His eyes roll back in his head a bit then he gets a shit eating grin for about fifteen seconds. It’s like the smell on his fingers transport him to another world for a little while.”
Pazmandy refused to comment on his unusual behavior and has called in sick for his last two shifts.
“It’s creepier because when he’s in Master Control he almost always has his hands under the counter where you can’t see them,” Love said. “Then every few minutes he pulls them up to take a sniff. Sometimes he will say out loud, ‘smells like victory’.”
The Master Control Operator’s actions has prompted other staff to start smelling their own fingers. In one instance MBN News anchor, Jack Hoffman, brought his fingers up to his nose during a live broadcast while co-anchor Iona Stonehouse was trying to read the prompter. Stonehouse spontaneously gagged on-air bringing humiliation and embarrassment to the anchor team and chuckles and delight to the production crew.
“Yeah, Jack Hoff Jack, as we call him looked like he was getting a whiff of last nights action,” Switcher Warren Dumont laughed. “I thought Iona was going to puke on live TV.”
CIPP-TV management and custodial teams are experimenting with new scents of soap to try and address the problem. The Station Manager and Owner, Ryan Coke has sent out a sternly worded email on the issue and it is believed neither action will have any effect.
Notice to readers – click here to read the full disclaimer and explanation about this story and website being a fine source of satire, fiction and limited humour. Please do not try to trick your friends and associates by leading them to believe it is real and please do not picture them naked. If you smell your fingers please do it the same way you would pick your nose. Do it discreetly or while driving your vehicle. Remember that smelling your fingers does not necessarily make you a bad person but it might be an indicator of psychopathy. Hands may carry the scent of food and activities for several days and may compound scents into a powerful amalgamation of odour that could be harmful to your health. Please enjoy in moderation.