PORTAGE la PRAIRIE, MB –
A recent C.I.P.P. – TV poll indicates most people under 35 were not aware a change to Daylight Saving Time occurred this weekend.
“The poll we conducted shows 85% of millennials did not realize a change in time happened this weekend,” C.I.P.P.-TV head researcher Robin Harrisburg said. “Over 70% surveyed didn’t know what Daylight Saving Time was, and the same amount didn’t know what the term ‘spring ahead’ means.”
The fact most adults 35-years-old and younger are completely dependent of smart phone technology for their connection with the world is the cause for the lack of awareness with the ancient practice of changing clocks every spring and fall.
“I noticed that my car clock was different than my I-phone this morning but I didn’t notice anything else that was strange,” 21-year-old Todd Feathermore said. “I saw something on twitter about springing ahead but I didn’t pay much attention to it.”
Many millennials do not understand Daylight Saving Time and some are skeptical of its existence.
“My mom called and left a voice mail about setting my clocks on Saturday night,” 28-year-old Brooke Waldner of Portage said. “I didn’t know what she was talking about. I’ve never set a clock in my life. Who does that?”
Justin Moore, 30 of Portage laughed at the suggestion a time change had occurred. “Sounds like an episode of Black Mirror or something. You are trying to tell me time shifted exactly one hour ahead and I never noticed. I think if that happened I would have noticed something Sunday morning.”
Politicians are considering how the results of the poll will affect decisions on making DST permanent or eliminating it altogether.
“With this rate of ignorance we might be able to delay a decision for another 30 years and then just change the time on everyone’s smart phone whenever we want and no one would be the wiser,” Portage la Prairie’s Supreme Political Leader Murphy Braun said.
“Sure there might be a few people who are working during the time change but they would believe whatever their smart phone told them,” Braun said. “I can see a lot of possibilities to manipulate the masses via their smart phones in the future. That is why I will bring forward legislation to control smart phone access so we can do what we want as a government moving forward. Imagine what could be possible if we controlled everything you saw on your smart phone? It is a very exciting option.”
Most Portagers support the use of Daylight Saving Time all year-long to avoid confusion and so Manitoba would permanently be in a different time zone than Saskatchewan.
Notice to readers/disclaimer – click this link to read about the true nature of this story and website along with finding handy-dandy additional links to important legal information. Those far less interested and who have already figured out this story and website are fictional and satirical and possibly humorous can simply know that their suspicions were correct and this is all made up. That is what fictional means. Satirical means we are poking fun at reality in an unreal way. We will leave it up to you to figure out what we are making fun of and whether it is funny or not. We are not the Supreme Political Leader of Portage la Prairie and do not desire to censor your thoughts or control what you read. Long live the Queen!