WINNIPEG, MB –
Productivity across Manitoba may have hit an all-time low with today’s heavy snowfall, but people not getting to work isn’t the culprit. Most businesses report 70-75% attendance, but it seems those people who have made it to work are doing nothing more than talking about all the snow.
“The moment I got in the office I was bombarded with the standard cliché comments about the weather,” Erik Tait said. “Our front desk guy said, ‘sure a lot of snow out there, eh?’ Then Herb in accounting said ‘glad I own a snowblower today,’ It is amazing how many times I’ve had these conversations when it snows.”
Complaints of tedious and typically Canadian conversations are being made at all work and public places in Manitoba.
“Every time we get a blizzard or big dump of snow I get to hear all about the blizzards of ’97, ’86 and ’66,” Tait shared. “I don’t think I can take another telling of how the snow drifts were as high as the roof. It’s Manitoba. It’s Canada. It snows. Why do we have to keep talking about it?”
Many Manitobans blame the media’s endless coverage of snowfall for the increase in the amount of discussions about the snow.
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Employers are looking at possible legislation to help combat the complete lack of productivity on snow days.
“We might as well close down altogether,” Albert Walker, General Manager of Mandelbaum Industries said. “Between the people who can never make it in when it snows and the people who are here who can’t shut up about the snow falling, nothing gets done. We should just have the province declare days like today official snow day holidays.”
People across the province are pleading with their fellow citizens to shut the hell up about the snow and get to work. We all know it snowed. We all know life goes on, even after a blizzard, so please stop making every conversation about the snow.
“Pretty soon we will be into flood season so at least we can start talking about how many cubic feet per second of water is in each river and whether or not any of the dykes and floodways will be used,” Tait offered. “That is interesting for about 15 minutes before I go completely insane from hearing about that.”
C.I.P.P. – TV will have extensive coverage of the snowfall all day today and have even more extensive coverage of spring flooding or the lack thereof. Stay tuned and talk about our coverage with your friends.
Notice to readers/disclaimer – click here to read the full disclaimer and explanation on the fictional and satirical nature of this story and website. That means we made this whole thing up for a laugh. Ironically, the endless conversations about the snow and the snowfall itself are real but the story is completely fabricated, albeit inspired by actual events. Please feel free to laugh and enjoy this story and share this link on your social media pages but don’t try to trick your dull friends into thinking this is real. Read and think responsibly.