PORTAGE la PRAIRIE, MB – 

Inspired by a book store marketing sign in December last year, Liz Thiessen made a New Year’s resolution to become her best self.  She bought the gym membership, workout clothes, self-help books and scheduled bi-weekly counselling sessions.

By late February, two months of intense self-improvement Thiessen found the best version of herself.

“I dropped almost 25 pounds and am in the best shape of my life,” Thiessen shared.  “Through prayer, meditation and contemplation with my therapist I am in a good place mentally.  I’ve even found a special life-partner online.”

The positive gains in Thiessens’s life are noticeable to friends and family but she was left hoping for more.

“I’ve basically spent every waking moment on achieving and maintaining my best self,” Thiessen explained.  “It feels good but I was kind of hoping the best version of me would be a little easier to keep up.  I’m exhausted.”

Akin to winning a self-improvement lottery, Thiessen was hoping to find her best self and then be able to kick back, relax and enjoy the scenery.

“Turns out the best version of me is really, really hard to keep going.  I guess I’m a little underwhelmed at how great I could be,” Thiessen shared.  “I was hoping the best me would be smarter, nicer, fearless and more naturally beautiful.”

Thiessen finds herself using every moment of free time keeping her mind, body and spirit in balance just to maintain her at a slightly above average human.

“I’m finding new ways to be more efficient, like reading while I exercise but I’m still overwhelmed by how unspectacular my accomplishments are,” Thiessen shared.

Thiessen’s friends are happy with their friends gains but were surprised to learn what they were seeing was her best self.

“Ya I can see some differences.  Like she is dressing better and eating better but she seems only marginally happier and her career isn’t anything to write home about,” Meaghan Boychuk said.

“I’ve known Liz since we were kids and this is the best version of her I’ve seen,” Lisa Pruden said.  “It’s still slightly above average in almost every category.  Too bad she has to work day and night to keep that up.  I’d prefer a slightly toned down version if we’d have more time to hang out together.”

In the face of the mixed results Thiessen is happy to reached her best and is looking forward to living at her absolute best.

“I like me a little bit more and I think my friend like me a little bit more too.  It’s the most I’ve accomplished so far in my life.  Sure I’m not the best at anything, or even that good at much but I am better than I was.”

Thiessen planned on writing her own book to help others become the best version of themselves but she has since realized writing is not one of the talents she possesses.

“I won’t be writing a book about my transformation but I hope the change people see in me will inspire them to work like mad to achieve mediocre results,” Thiessen said.  “Sure to be great at something you’ll likely have to win the genetic lottery but with a lot of hard work and discipline you can become slightly above average and better than a lot of your friends.”

Notice to readers/disclaimer – click here to read the full explanation and disclaimer about the fictional and satirical nature of this website and story.  We do not want to discourage anyone from attempting to become their best self but we do offer this as a cautionary tale of managing expectations.  Incremental gains can be made in the best version of you but most of us will have to face the reality that even at our absolute best we might not be overwhelmingly impressive.  Our talents and abilities cannot be usurped by effort and desire.  It is good to use both effectively but despite your parents and teachers telling you anything is possible it not true.  You might be able to accomplish something great but it will likely be something you are genetically predisposed to be great at or something that fate dropped in your lap.  See, aren’t you glad you read this disclaimer and became discouraged from trying.  Just picture what you can spend all the money you saved not buying therapy, exercise and self-help books.  You’re welcome.  Have a great day and be the best you possible – even if it is not that great.

Photo Credit – Jake Przespo