PORTAGE LA PRAIRIE, MB –
As the south wind carries the tantalizing odour of feces from 13,000 Portage la Prairie arses across the city, some people complain about the unpleasant smell while many more Portagers made the choice to have some fun with it.
Billy Neepawa noticed the smell while walking his mother’s cat and decided to play a trick on his neighbour.
“I saw Ed’s kitchen light on so I went and knocked on his door,” Neepawa explained. “When he came to the door he got a whiff of the sewage plant so I pretended I had crapped my pants and needed to use his washroom.”
Neepawa’s friend Ed Watson believed the smell was the result of his neighbour soiling himself and was torn between wanting to help his friend out and keeping the integrity of his washroom.
“I was terrified,” Watson shared. “I thought if what is in Billy’s pants smells that bad I don’t want him putting that in my toilet. It smelled god-awful. I should have known Billy was messing with me, he normally doesn’t smell near that bad when he craps himself.”
Watson and Neepawa were not the only ones in Portage having some fun with Portage’s favorite aromatic essence. Newsroom employees of Portage la Prairie’s most popular television station, C.I.P.P.-TV, got in on the fun.
“While Iona Stonehouse and Jack Hoffman were on the set during the newscast, Iona complained of a rotten egg smell,” Operations Manager Seth Poole said. “Bruce, our director first told her it might be gas leak in the studio and she started freaking out during the commercial break. A little while later, he said they checked it out and the problem was with Jack Hoffman.”
Stonehouse could barely read the news in the face of the magnificent stench and started fanning the air and swatting her co-anchor each time they threw to video.
“They told me Jack had diarrhea and there was no toilet paper in the men’s washroom,” Stonehouse said. “He’s had similar accidents in the past so I believed them. The camera crew and floor director where dying laughing and I didn’t realize it was just the smell of Portage.”
Recent shifting winds from the south and east have shared the scent trail from the wastewater treatment facility with most of the city on a rotating basis. Not just Mellenville and KoKo Platz, but the East and West Ends along with the tourist hub of Island Park have been privy to the smell of the biffy, inspiring many to rename it Island Fart.
“Its kind of a signature smell of Portage,” Neepawa said. “Travellers often get the blast on the by-pass but for the native Portagers it’s a bit like comfort food. When you smell it you know you’re home. I think it’s kind of like smelling your own fart. They don’t seem that bad to you but others can hardly take it.”
There are numerous reports of practical jokes being played out over the Portage poo smell and several couples have been playing “who farted?”
“A lot of people who don’t go out in the cold won’t get a chance to enjoy it like you can in the summer time,” Neepawa said. “A lot of us like to walk along the lake in the summer and enjoy that smell while taking in the view. It is a Portage thing and I love it.”
Notice to readers/disclaimer – click here to read the full disclosure and to find the link to the full legal information. If you do not want to do that please know that this story and website are fictional and that means they are not real. Portage is real and the smell is real but the rest is just a silly story about people who do not actually exist, therefore, their opinions and comments are not to be taken seriously or as fact. That being said CIPPTV and this website take no responsibility for their comments and opinions and do not necessarily share them. We have our own opinions on the foul stench that rises like a fog of death from time to time but we will not impose them on you. We will just bury hints to our feelings on the matter in a long disclaimer few people will read.