CARMAN, MB –
Portager Billy Neepawa signed up online for a singles mixer event in Carman Manitoba hoping to find love but came home alone after watching the goalie get pulled twice in one day.
The singles ad promised a “fun, friendly and relaxed atmosphere” for area singles to get together and watch the Carman Cougars followed by the Beavers. Neepawa was excited about having an event of this nature so close to home.
“The ad said we would watch the Cougars play in the afternoon and the Beavers in the evening,” Neepawa shared. “I thought, wow! This is pretty progressive for a small town like Carman.”
Mr. Neepawa spent most of Saturday morning grooming and washing himself up for the big event.
“It took me quite a while to shave and shower cause it had been a while. Then I had to find my best plaid shirt. I put a lot of effort into this.”
“All the ad said was the event was happening at 44 Ed Belfour Drive in Carman so I Google mapped it and took off,” Neepawa said.
When Neepawa arrived he was disappointed to find himself at the Carman Arena being charged 6 dollars to get into a Zone IV high school hockey game between Portage and Carman.
“The Cougars really gave the Trojans all they could handle,” Neepawa said. “The Trojans were lucky to get out of there in one piece. Portage was down by a couple and pulled the goalie but Carman got an empty netter.”
Neepawa says he wasn’t that impressed with the collection of local singles in attendance.
“There was your regular selection of religious girls in skirts, pale dudes with bad haircuts and a few gender neutrals with braces,” Neepawa explained. “I did connect with a nice lady from St. Claude who works at an automated dairy barn but she was allergic to the cat hair on my clothes.”
While the numbers of singles increased for the Beavers game in the evening, Neepawa was still left wanting.
“The Beavers were playing the Maroons but it felt like I was being played the moron for coming to this thing,” Neepawa lamented.
The singles mixer saw a large influx of available twenty-somethings from the Altona area but Neepawa was iced from most conversations.
“The Altona chicks were pretty cute but all they could talk about was the amazing college and careers event they went to last night at the MCC Church. No one was interested in my cats and tales of Portage la Prairie.”
Neepawa says he will not give up on his quest for love and hopes to connect with a hipster singles group in the city soon.
“I think they might find a quirky cat guy from Portage kind of intriguing. I’ll just have to get all the cat hair of my clothes before I go.”
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