PORTAGE LA PRAIRIE, MB –

Esther Waldheim is waving the white flag of surrender in a social media arms race she no longer has the weapons to compete.

“My kids are all grown up now,” Waldheim admitted.  “Ones doing slightly below average in College while the other has a boring middle-management job.  They give me no sense of pride or identity.  And sadly, they provide me nothing to post.”

The 58 year-old mother of two sons, Eric and Jared, says she has struggled with social media induced anxiety and depression since her children graduated and became adults.

“When they were young, I’d post things about how great they were doing at school all the time.  And when their grades weren’t good I always had their sports to brag about.  But now, I’ve got nothing.”

Waldheim’s friends and relatives still find a steady stream of items to boast about on social media ranging from their husband’s career accomplishments to new grandchildren but Waldheim has been left with little to share online.

“My husband’s job is nothing and I hate mine,” Waldheim bemoaned.  “I’ve gotten so low I’m putting up pictures of my cats.  Pretty soon I’ll have to start sharing religious memes and funny YouTube videos if my kids don’t get their lives together.”

The life-long and downtrodden Portager longs for the time when her children still had potential and laments how they turned out to be boring, average adults.

“I hope they get married and have kids soon,” Waldheim offered.  “I can’t take this for much longer.  Everyone else’s timeline is so much better than mine.  Why did I get stuck with an average family?”

Waldheim is so desperate to find meaning and fulfillment she is considering volunteering at the local soup kitchen or joining a cult.

“I need some kind of validation in my life.  My husband and kids aren’t providing much in the way of support so I might have to go elsewhere to find some kind of justification to live.”

She considered getting into municipal or school board politics but felt, “I’m not quite that desperate for attention and abuse yet.  I’ll try the cult thing first.  If it doesn’t work out I’ll think about running in the fall election.”

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