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New Study Shows Morden Superior To Winkler “In Almost Every Measurable Way”

Morden superior to Winkler in most measurable ways New Study reveals that Morden is better than Winkler in most categories surveyed.

Winkler, MB –

For years, Winklerites have accused their sibling city of Morden of intentionally causing problems and making them look bad and a new study confirms their worst fears.

A new study compared the neighbouring cities and looked at the social and cultural impact each had on the other.

“We discovered right away there was a lot of truth to the saying, ‘live in Morden – work in Winkler’,” study author Brian Rolston said.  “On almost every measurable way Morden is the superior community to live in, while Winkler has a much stronger work ethic and better productivity numbers.”

Morden was measured to be much friendlier more diverse and scenic compared to it’s more efficient, conservative and religious twin city.

“They might be sisters but they couldn’t be more different,” Rolston explained.  “Morden is the girl with the pretty smile and the life of the party while Winkler is the sturdy young woman at Sunday school who doesn’t laugh much.”

Winkler looses to Morden when it comes to arts and culture, recreation facilities, scenery and beautification, education and overall quality of life.  Winkler does beat out the dinosaur city when it comes to economic development and population growth.

“We found a deep frustration within Winkler on how they are perceived but the outside world.  They feel superior to Morden in every thing that important to them.  They are more religious and conservative by a long-shot but those things are not appreciated by outsiders.”

The study shows that for those considering moving to the Morden/Winkler area almost 95% say they would live in Morden even if they worked in Winkler.  For native Winklerites the numbers are overwhelming, with 99% saying they would never live in Morden even if they worked there.

“People from Winkler are very loyal and they have been very successful at attracting new Canadians who share their values.  They have a very high birth rate that combine to make Winkler a leader in population growth despite the fact few people from Manitoba want to live there compared to Morden.”

 

 

Notice to readers/disclaimer – click here to read the truth about the fact this story and website are in fact not true but satirical and fictional.  That means some small cabal of silly people sat in a dimly lit room or coffee shop and made this stuff up for a laugh.  Well, they were laughing, we are not sure anyone else was but at least someone was entertained for a while.  Please read and share if you get the joke.  Don’t try and trick your Facebook friends into thinking this is real or some evil plot hashed by the left-leaning CBC to make Winkler look bad.  They don’t need the CBC’s or anyone else’s help.

 

Photo Credit:  Common Dactyl

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