Portagers To Return To Their Holes & Caves In Face Of Oncoming Storm

Portage la Prairie, MB –

Old man winter is about to open hand slap Portage la Prairie with a windy blast and residents are being warned.

Local officials are commanding locals seek shelter to protect themselves from wind gusts up to 90km/h and up to 3cm of snow.

“We are telling all Portagers to go back to their caves before the wind hits,” local weather official Benjamin Boone said.  “For those Portagers without a cave or access to a cave we are advising they crawl into their normal hole.”

Caves and holes are great options for shelter from a fall storm packing big wind, a little snow and not much rain.

“If we were getting a lot of rain then crawling into a hole would not be advisable,” Boone offered.  “For shelter from wind, holes and caves are just about perfect.”

While most citizens already live in caves or holes there are a few less fortunate Portagers who are without holes and they are being asked to go to caves or holes of friends and family.

“There are lots of holes to go around if everyone welcomes the holeless in,” Boone explained.  “We don’t want to see anyone caught outside or above ground during the storm.  There are a number of holes in the banks of Crescent Lake.  You might have to share them with a muskrat but they won’t mind.”

The storm will last from Wednesday evening until Thursday around noon.  After that, Portagers are safe to crawl back out of their holes and resume their normal lives.

Notice to readers/disclaimer – click this link to read about the true nature of this story and website.  It is blatantly fictional, nonsensical at times, satirical and occasionally funny.  Consume at your own risk.

Photo Credit:  Jennypenny1388

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