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Portage Woman’s Miracle Signs Can Fix Crime & All Other Problems

Woman gets people to do things by posting signs Woman solves problems by posting simple signs

Portage la Prairie, MB –

Julie Klassen used to spend her days nagging, reminding and threatening her family to do their homework, shower, tidy up and other household chores.  The Portage la Prairie grandmother had to remind neighbours not to walk on her lawn and co-workers to wash their hands and clean up after themselves until the miracle happened.

“I was at the rink and I saw a sign,” Klassen said.  “The sign said ‘please put garbage in trash cans’.  I looked around and didn’t see a single piece of trash anywhere.  I knew right then I had found the answer.”

Klassen thought if a simple sign could keep garbage off the floor of the rink it would likely work in her life, so she got to work.

“The first thing I did when I got home was make up signs for the bathroom.  I wrote ‘don’t pee on the seat’ and ‘wash your hands’ on some nice paper and put them up for my husband and I haven’t sat on a wet seat since,” Klassen shared.

The revelation lead her to go on a sign-making rampage.  “No Flyers” was hung by her mailbox.  “Turn lights off” adorns her switches and “Stay off the grass” keeps her lawn intact.

“Every time I see a problem I make and sign,” Klassen said.  “It works perfectly.  It is truly a miracle.”

Klassen’s workplace has never been neater and all deadlines are being kept with friendly reminders hanging in each office courtesy of Klassen.

After finding so much success at home and work, Klassen insists the City of Portage embrace the sign as a solution to town problems.

“If we want people to slow down let’s just put up a few signs telling them too.  If we want people to stop break and enters or robbing places let’s put up signs telling them that is a ‘no-no’,” Klassen offered.

“Signs are the answer,” Klassen added.  “I haven’t met anyone who hasn’t done exactly what my signs tell them.  They have so much power.”

Klassen claims her grandkids now brush their teeth, eat only healthy foods, go to bed early and get plenty of exercise because of the signs she posts.

“I wish I started using signs when my kids were little.  Parenting would have been so easy.  I don’t know why teachers don’t use more signs.”

Klassen thinks that sports organizations could avoid using referees altogether is effective signs were put up explaining the rules.  The same applies to what the city spends on law enforcement if laws were properly advertised.

“People really obey my signs,” Klassen said.  “Signs could pretty much make police officers unnecessary and save tons of money.”

After numerous presentations, Klassen has not hear back from the City of Portage on whether or not they want her help putting up signs.

“I’m sure they are checking out how good my signs are working before they get back to me.  If they don’t call soon I’ll put a sign on City Hall to remind them.”

Notice to readers/disclaimer (click here).  If you thought this story might not be real, you are correct.  It and the website are fictional and satirical, sometimes funny and completely ridiculous.  Please read share and enjoy responsibly.

Photo credit: David Drexler 

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