Portage la Prairie, MB –
SPECIAL REPORT: for “Get The Puck Out” Saturdays at 5:30pm on CIPP-TV Channel 116
Hockey try-out season is well under way and a local dad has come up with what he believes is a sure-fire plan to help his kid make it this year.
After missing the final cuts the last two years, Jerry Nelson is determined to see his son Tyler make the triple A team this year.
“I know that Ty is a bubble player so I’ll have to do what it takes this year,” Jerry Nelson said. “I’ve learned what goes into the coaches final picks so we’ll be prepared this year.”
Nelson has informed the coaching staff about the team swag he has ordered and plans on donating if his kid is selected.
“I’ve got hats, hoodies, jackets, toques, hockey bags, skate guards and back packs with team logos all on order,” Nelson offered. “The coaches and parents of the top kids know I’ll donate all of it once Ty makes the team.”
The hockey dad is not limiting his lobbying efforts to the other players and has solicited his wife’s help in getting Tyler on the team. The move to send his wife for a makeover and buy her a new wardrobe of “sexier” clothes is drawing criticism from many.
“We all know coaches pick bubble kids based on how hot the mom is,” Nelson explained. “Irene was fine with getting a make-over and wearing sexier clothes around the rink if it helps Ty make the team.”
Nelson is not stopping at bribing the team and objectifying his wife. He plans to pay-off coaches to get his son on the team.
“Let’s just say I let the coaches know that my company will sponsor the team in special ways. We will cover all their hotel rooms and make sure they get some gift cards to their favorite restaurants every week,” Nelson explained.
When contacted, the coaching staff declined to comment on the record whether Mr. Nelson’s efforts would gain Tyler a spot on the team. An anonymous source close to the team indicated the coaching staff has noticed Mrs. Nelson’s new clothes and makeover.
Notice to readers/disclaimer – please click here to read more about this story and website being fictional and satirical. This is not real. It is also not fake news intended to trick anyone. It is humour intended to entertain. Read, share and enjoy responsibly.