Portage la Prairie, MB – 

Superior psychology is replacing old-school tactics used to subdue potentially violent criminals.

Portage la Prairie is the test site for a new police program to help armed thugs repent from violence and embrace a better way.

The days of police screaming demands like “put down your weapon” and “get on the ground now” will soon be part of our unenlightened past.

Studies reveal asking those engaged in criminal activity the right question in the correct tone is far more likely to stop the crime from proceeding.

“No one responds well to being yelled at,” head researcher Bronwyn Hobbs explained.  “Screaming demands at someone, especially those who may be armed and violent is counter productive.”

“They are already in a heightened state of anxiety so yelling commands at them makes the situation worse and less safe,” Hobbs said.

The new program starts immediately and employs new techniques in which police officers will probe the criminals psyche and try to reach them with questions rather than try and control them with commands.

Officers, depending on the situation, will ask armed perpetrators a series of questions like;

“How are you really feeling?”

“Can I help you with anything?”

“Is there anything I can get you?  Coffee?  Tea?  Ice Cream?”

“Is there anywhere else you need to be right now?”

“Do you need a ride?”

“If you could be any kind of animal, what animal would you be?”

“Did anything good happen today?”

“That is a really nice shirt you have.  Could you help me pick out a shirt?”

“How is your mother feeling?”

Local police are optimistic the new approach will calm and subdue armed and dangerous criminals without them having to yell or engage them physically.

Researchers admit to never have worked a day in law enforcement but feel their superior education, dubious research and arrogant approach have created the best possible technique in handling violent offenders.

“Individual citizens can use similar styles if they find themselves in violent of potentially violent situations,” Hobbs offered.  “Just try and empathize with the attacker and think about what you would like to be asked.”

If the test is successful in Portage la Prairie, police forces across the country will be using the questions by Christmas.

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Photo: Colby Stopa – https://www.flickr.com/photos/photographybycolby/