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Splashing Banned From Splash Island

Portage la Prairie, MB –

If you thought a place called Splash Island would be okay with frisky frolicking, you’d be wrong.

New safety rules are in place to address an ongoing problem at Portage la Prairie’s premier water park.  There is a zero tolerance policy on splashing and aggressive frolicking.

“We have received more than eight complaints but not more than ten,” spokesperson and safety officer Susy Rempel said.  “We couldn’t ignore the risk factor of eye irritation and the chance of injury.”

Besides complaints rooted in safety concerns, Splash Island has received concerns from people not wanting to get their hair wet or makeup destroyed by people frolicking irresponsibly.

Lifeguards will be on the look out for anyone splashing water intentionally or unintentionally and those using the water slides will have to exit them slow enough to avoid a splash.

“Users will have to adjust their sliding to make sure those in the pool and deck area are not impacted with water to the body and face,” Rempel said.

A non-local security firm will provide additional enforcement and will physically remove violators from the complex and call police for pickup.

“This is serious,” Rempel emphasized.  “Our insurance company will not cover us unless we put rules in place to eliminate splashing.  If you think about it, you’ll agree it’s not a safe thing to do anyway.”

CIPP-TV questioned continuing with the name Splash Island when the practice was no longer allowed.

“We don’t see any contradiction in continuing with the name,” Rempel said.  “It’s Splash Island not splash pool.  If it was called splash pool we’d have to change the name but Splash Island indicates splashing on land which isn’t really possible.”

The justification for keeping the name raises further questions as to the rationale behind the name Splash Island when it is in fact a pool and water slide park and not an island.  This fact is further compounded by the reality the water-plex is not even on an Island but an isthmus.  Perhaps re-naming it to Don’t Splash Isthmus Water Park would make more sense.

Notice to readers/disclaimer about the true nature of this story and web site being fictional in origin and humorous in intent.

Photo: Nicola – https://www.flickr.com/photos/15216811@N06/

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  1. Portage Confused & Upset By Controversial Satire Site – CIPPTV Channel 116

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