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Splashing Banned From Splash Island

Portage la Prairie, MB –

If you thought a place called Splash Island would be okay with frisky frolicking, you’d be wrong.

New safety rules are in place to address an ongoing problem at Portage la Prairie’s premier water park.  There is a zero tolerance policy on splashing and aggressive frolicking.

“We have received more than eight complaints but not more than ten,” spokesperson and safety officer Susy Rempel said.  “We couldn’t ignore the risk factor of eye irritation and the chance of injury.”

Besides complaints rooted in safety concerns, Splash Island has received concerns from people not wanting to get their hair wet or makeup destroyed by people frolicking irresponsibly.

Lifeguards will be on the look out for anyone splashing water intentionally or unintentionally and those using the water slides will have to exit them slow enough to avoid a splash.

“Users will have to adjust their sliding to make sure those in the pool and deck area are not impacted with water to the body and face,” Rempel said.

A non-local security firm will provide additional enforcement and will physically remove violators from the complex and call police for pickup.

“This is serious,” Rempel emphasized.  “Our insurance company will not cover us unless we put rules in place to eliminate splashing.  If you think about it, you’ll agree it’s not a safe thing to do anyway.”

CIPP-TV questioned continuing with the name Splash Island when the practice was no longer allowed.

“We don’t see any contradiction in continuing with the name,” Rempel said.  “It’s Splash Island not splash pool.  If it was called splash pool we’d have to change the name but Splash Island indicates splashing on land which isn’t really possible.”

The justification for keeping the name raises further questions as to the rationale behind the name Splash Island when it is in fact a pool and water slide park and not an island.  This fact is further compounded by the reality the water-plex is not even on an Island but an isthmus.  Perhaps re-naming it to Don’t Splash Isthmus Water Park would make more sense.

Notice to readers/disclaimer about the true nature of this story and web site being fictional in origin and humorous in intent.

Photo: Nicola – https://www.flickr.com/photos/15216811@N06/

5 Comments on Splashing Banned From Splash Island

  1. Arlene Philippi // July 19, 2018 at 10:40 pm // Reply

    That is the dumbest thing I have ever heard. Why would you go to a water park with makeup on and second, what do all kids do…. SPLASH. What are they going to do with the wading pool that has toddlers in it when they splash? Throw them out too. As for the slide how do you not splash coming off the slide. People are being really stupid.

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  2. For real this is getting ridiculous already! My kids like to splash and play and know not to splash others in face or at people but my 2 year old likes to splash his hands in water!! And coming off slide ? You build momentum coming down and part the fun is splashing into water Ian’s sometimes size of person makes hard not to so you might as well call this park “ no fun island”! If you go to water park dolled up and your makeup runs maybe you should rethink your attire and honestly there is waterproof makeup invest if that’s a problem! Sheesh I will not be going to splash island anymore that’s for sure!!! Business lost!

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  3. You have got to be kidding me? If you don’t want water on you simply don’t go to the water park! As for exiting the slide without a splash…. just close the doors to this place. There is no more fun to be had here. Heaven forbid you have a child splash in a pool. Shake my head portage. I think a bit of water being splashed at SPLASH ISLAND is the least of this towns worry

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