Trees With Naughty Knots To Be Covered

Portage la Prairie, MB –

Nature is a little to naughty, according to a group of concerned Portage parents.  Children walking to and from school are being exposed to formations on trees in the shape of female and male genitalia.

The over-sexualized trees are the target of the group of mothers led by Tara Bellamy.  “We asked the city to cut down the offensive trees,” Bellamy said.  “They won’t so, now we are asking the offensive parts to be covered.”

Recently, several social media posts had to be deleted because they included smart-phone photos of tree knots that were tagged with teachers names – implying the knots where images of the educator’s private parts.

Censoring mother nature wont be easy.  Options to hide the phallic parts of the trees while keeping a natural look are limited.  Tree pants were considered but the implementation of the plan proved too expensive.

“We will be looking at a grass skirt type of covering on most trees in question,” city operations spokesperson Brian Siemens said.  “We know the vagina-like knots and penis shaped branches in the trees are distracting the kids and embarrassing the parents but our attempts to hide them may draw more attention to them.”

How to secure the skirts so they don’t lift in the wind is the biggest problem.  City engineers are working on solutions but the windy climate poses a substantial challenge.  A solution will be in place before the school year begins in September.

Bellamy hopes to have this issue dealt with so she and her group can go back to tackling the ongoing problem of kids drawing penis shapes on dirty vehicles and in fresh snow.  To solve that problem she is putting together a petition to have curfews in place during snow events and mandatory car washing.

We will have further developments on this story as they become available.

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