Portage la Prairie, MB – 

Doris Langenbruener is frustrated because other family’s vacations look better than hers do on Facebook and Instagram.

On the Langenbruener’s last family getaway, Doris spent more time on her iPad looking at Facebook and Instagram than she did with her family.  What she saw everyday in her news feed upset her.

“I just want the kids and my husband to pretend they are having the best time ever for ten seconds at a time three times a day,” Langenbruener said.  “I just need half-dozen pics for my Insta-feed and Facebook page.”

After being out done for years by relatives and co-workers, the mother of three is suffering from holiday family photo anxiety.  “I had to unfriend my sister-in-law after she insisted on rubbing her perfect family vacation in my face,” Langenbruener confessed.  “And that bitch Kristen from work got blocked after she kept posting her perfect family pics every weekend.”

The Langenbruener children and father Ricky dislike the forced family fun shots imposed by Doris and protest by looking off camera and not smiling for any of the photos she takes.

“I want people to look at our photos and be just a fraction of how jealous I am of their pics,” Mrs. Langenbruener said.  “I plan, budget and schedule every last-minute of these holidays.  All I ask in return is a steady stream of photos to share with my Facebook friends.  I’m just looking for some likes, validation and to seem better than other people.”

The Langenbruener family are planning a secret Christmas holiday without Doris to avoid her photo anxiety and so they can finally go somewhere they want to.

“Screw all those trendy vacation destinations,” Ricky Langenbruener shared.  “Me and the kids are going to Tampa Bay and Disney.  We’ll see the Jets play and then hit the theme parks and no one will bring a camera or take a selfie.”

Doris Langenbruener is busy planning an eco-tourism adventure to the rain forest of Belize and looking to buy a new camera.

Notice to readers/disclaimer about this being satire.

Photo: m0ntrealist – https://www.flickr.com/photos/spectrus/