Regina, SK –

Portager, Billy Neepawa wanted to be part of the party but found himself on the outside looking in at the Winnipeg Blue Bomber/ Regina Roughriders game.

Billed as the party of the year in the CFL, the game boasted long-time rivals and the christening of a shiny new stadium that is ironically the shape of a toilet seat.

Well, Mr. Neepawa had no interest in a toilet seat as it turned out.  The life-long Portage resident and Bomber fan wanted to break-in the new stadium and its new bathrooms.

“I always like to bond with new places by taking a dump in the washroom,” Neepawa explained.  “I was having some stomach issues earlier in the day and suddenly had to really go.”

With long line-ups for a stall, Neepawa opted to use one of the urinals for his movement.

“I knew I had diarrhea,” Neepawa said.  “It was real runny.  I was basically peeing out my bum so I just went for it.  It was that or crap my pants.”

Once Neepawa had finished and cleaned himself up security agents were there to escort him out of the stadium.

“Some guy wearing a watermelon complained I guess,” Neepawa said.  “I didn’t argue with them but I did tell them the stadium that looks like a toilet seat from the air could use a few more inside.”

The Regina Football Club and the CFL declined to comment on the urinal crapper but did point out that all stadiums with the exception of Hamilton have the same policy of not allowing defecation in urinals.

The Riders and CFL also deny the new stadium looks like toilet seat from the air.  They suggest it is built with in a horseshoe design but Billy Neepawa will always remember the opening of the new stadium by it’s shortage of toilet seats.

 

Notice to readers/disclaimer about this being satire.

Photo: Gregg O’Connell – https://www.flickr.com/photos/greggoconnell/