PORTAGE LA PRAIRIE, MB –
A married pee wee baseball coach has admitted to selecting a player for his team based on how attractive their mom was.
“When you get down to the final picks it doesn’t really matter how good the kid is because you know he won’t play much anyway,” coach Don Walters admitted. “Ty’s mom always wears tight, low-cut shirts, so I figured what the heck?”
Coach Walters went on to explain he wanted to increase the eye-candy along the third base line during the game. Walters’ wandering eyes got him in hot water with his wife who caught him staring at Ty’s mom during the game and reported him to the Portage Baseball Association.
“Ya, I got caught looking,” Walter said. “But hey what’s wrong with getting an appetite as long as you’re eating at home?”
The P.B.A. said in a statement they would put a new policy in place to prevent kids being selected based on their parents appearance. They have also asked Ty’s mom to wear sweat pants, loose-fitting hoodies and a baseball cap to make herself less of a distraction.
“I got the memo. I guess next year I’ll use my last picks to choose kids whose parents don’t show up. Way less drama when I sit them on the bench that way.”
Walters’ wife has purchased a gym membership, bought a new wardrobe and has been seen sitting on the visitor’s side sitting near the opposing coaches.
This story will be updated and the relationship deteriorates.